Authorities said the crime was "Brilliant!"

>> Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Someone took 480 kegs of beer--Guinness, Budweiser and Carlsberg--from the Guinness brewery in Dublin last week, worth more than $230,000.

I regret to announce that whatever bug I have is apparently putting any supposedly clever part of my brain on the fritz: after trying to come up with various witticisms, the best joke I've come up with so far was in the headline, and I can't possibly be the only person who thought of it. So, know when you're beaten, gracefully admit defeat, and move on. Anyone playing at home, feel free to add your own Guinness beer heist-related joke in the lines provided below:

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Thank you, and good night.

UPDATE (12/06/2007): Awww... police caught two of the guys involved. They aren't saying how many kegs were recovered, which raises an interesting question: how many kegs of beer can two men drink in five days? Guinness is a pretty filling beer, you know, tho' the smoothness of it certainly would facilitate the drinking; nothing too bitter or carbonated to slow you down if you try going straight from the keg. (Or is there: having a full head rising in your throat might be unpleasant. Hmm. Questions linger.)

Let's agree, in any case, on this: much like the Loomis-Fargo thieves in my neck of the woods, many years ago, these men were surely busted because they were too eager. The culprits in the Fargo heist couldn't wait to spend the money on velvet Elvises, pool tables and boob jobs. No doubt the Guinness-bandits discussed the propriety of keeping a few kegs for later, doling them out over months and years, and then went on a five day drunk anyway. Perhaps they had some friends over, maybe not, it doesn't matter. The lesson is this: save some Guinness for later! Drinking it all now may raise too many suspicions, and bring the authorities down around you.




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