Bored out of my fucking skull

>> Monday, April 07, 2008

This is the part they don't show on TV. The sitting around, just sitting. The Superior Court calendar today is arraignments and deferred prosecutions. And lots of sitting.


On TV and in movies, arraignments are sorta exciting. This is probably partly because courtrooms in movies and shows are very dark and woody-looking. I don't know if real courtrooms in New York and LA actually have contemporary lighting or not. Real contemporary courtrooms have fluorescents.


Anyway, real arraignments aren't nearly as interesting as all that. Real arraignments involve a dude standing up at a table in front of a judge and either having his lawyer say "not guilty" or going through a transcript of plea in which he waives all his Constitutional rights to a trial. The latter is actually even less interesting than it might sound. Here's something I would like to see: a Law And Order episode that consists of forty-seven minutes of Jack McCoy calling people up to the front of a courtroom and the judge reading a plea transcript at them. For added excitement, the stream of yessirs and nosirs can be spiced up with an occasional huhwhat?


A deferred prosecution is an agreement between the State and a defendant in which a defendant charged with a minor felony (pocketing a few bucks from the cash register while working at a supermarket, for instance, which is called embezzlement) and no prior record agrees to do community service in exchange for a dismissal, and if they fail to complete the community service, the State gets to fuck them in the ass.


That probably sounds inadvertently more interesting than it is. Sorry to disappoint. It's not.


This is a big part of why I don't write about work. So why am I making an exception today? Because I'm actually writing this shit in the courtroom on my phone. Because I'm bored sick. That's why.


Oh, wait. Here's something different! There's something I left out, something else on the calendar today! They're also doing probation first appearances. This is a pure formality. A probationer is brought in from the holding cells and the judge decides whether or not to appoint him a lawyer. Then they have to establish whether there's probable cause to believe the defendant violated his probation: this consists of reading the violation report to the judge. No, really. Lest you think that's some kind of major Constitutional violation, it's not--it's not even a minor one. There's a minimal burden of proof in probation cases, and for the purposes of a preliminary hearing it's enough for the probation officer to swear that the guy messed up. They bring him in and they pull him out. Actually, they only do this much because about ten years ago someone in my office realized that the fact they weren't doing this at all was technically wrong somehow under the statute, and we started getting probation violations thrown out on what was undeniably a total loophole.


Boring.


I could, perhaps, be a lion tamer. That's it, yeah. I could get a hat that says "lion tamer." Lions are those little critters with the big noses that eat ants, right?


Whatever. I can't even write my own material right now. My brain hurts and I fain would lie down (first the Python, then the traditional Scottish murder ballads--I'm an extraordinary thief... ooh, now I'm stealing from Die Hard. Yay me.) I'm gonna cut and paste this into an e-mail and then e-mail it to blogger. Then I'm going home and having a drink. Yes, this how attorneys become alcoholics, in case you were wondering.


I jest. We're not supposed to say that thing. They--the State Bar--makes us take an hour of substance abuse education every so many years because of this great fear that we're all overstressed drunks. So let me state for the record, no problems here and please don't call the lawyers' assistance program because of a tossed-off comment on my fucking blog.
Fuckity-fuck-fuck.


This is why I don't lawblog, folks.

10 comments:

Tania Monday, April 7, 2008 at 6:37:00 PM EDT  

Oh man, I feel for you.

I took my nephew to arraignments as a "fun" excursion when he was 12 or 13. We went to lunch, watched arraignments, went ice skating and took in a hockey game. The judge noted that their were visitors, and wanted to know why we were there. I told him I was introducing my nephew to the legal system and how the governement works. He seemed to think that was ok. My big disappointment is that the arraignments are done via video conference from the holding facility across town, so I didn't get to scare the kid with guys in manacles/shackles and orange jumpsuits walking past him. He's a good kid, but I want him to stay out of trouble.

As a spectator, the processes were intresting. As someone there for my job, I'd probably be trying to stab my pen through my temple.

Tania Monday, April 7, 2008 at 6:38:00 PM EDT  

"there", not their in my first paragraph. Arrgh. I'm throwing stuff in pile for going to Sitka in the morning, and easily distracted... urgh. Oh hell, there's another spelling error at the end. I'm going now.

Michelle K Monday, April 7, 2008 at 8:05:00 PM EDT  

You *could* have written another Sophie/Blink/not-Sophie/not-Blink mash up.

I'm sure that would have been a much more productive use of your time.

And if it makes you feel any better, my day was spend revising my MS Outlook Mail documentation.

Except, of course, that I kinda enjoyed it.

Jeri Monday, April 7, 2008 at 8:21:00 PM EDT  

Didn't you get a thumb cramp typing that out on your phone? I can't do more than about three paragraphs on my Blackberry.

My day was spent in project meetings. And thank you, thank you for immortalizing the project management profession, however nastily, in your last "Sophie" chapter. ;)

Eric Monday, April 7, 2008 at 8:38:00 PM EDT  

I mostly wrote the entry using Grafiti.

I was one of the last people on Earth to get a cell phone: I've only owned one for about two months, and I got it for two reasons. The first was my issues with AT&T, the second was that my Dell Axim was several years old and nearing obsolescence. So I got a Samsung SCH i760 smartphone. The screen is smaller than the Axim's but larger than most cell phones, it runs Windows Mobile and Mobile Office (tho' I actually used the notepad to draft the blog entry).

It actually does make me feel better to think that at least I wasn't futzing with Outlook. (If I didn't have a Windows Mobile device, I wouldn't even have that damn program installed on my Windows machine--uck.)

Jeri, I'm looking forward to your next chapter. Speaking of which: I haven't left as many comments as I should have during Sofiemania, but I really have enjoyed everyone's work.

Y'know, Tania, I can't help imagining your nephew hanging out with a bunch of kids who are all talking about how their aunts took them to, like, Disneyland or Six Flags. :-)

Tania Monday, April 7, 2008 at 10:02:00 PM EDT  

Hey, I think outside the box when it comes to entertainment!

Nathan Monday, April 7, 2008 at 11:39:00 PM EDT  

Eric,

I don't mean to make light of this, but if you read my blog today, I talked about how my job sucks sometimes. The difference is that when my job has a good day, there's going to be a really memorable shot of Deborah Harry's eyes. When your job has a really good day, some poor stupid schmuk who did nothing wrong gets to go home to his family.

Despite the tedium, I envy you. Soldier on!

Eric Monday, April 7, 2008 at 11:45:00 PM EDT  

Well... damn. Thanks.

But (and on a lighter note), I gotta know: is Debbie Harry as cool as she seems. 'Cause, you know, when I was growing up Debbie Harry kind of epitomized babe in the early '80s, especially if you were one of those nerdy/arty kids. Which, you may be surprised to read, I was. (I know, who'd have thunk a blog full of entries about Star Wars and Pink Floyd and D&D and gripes about writing and shit like that would be some kind of arty nerd?)

But seriously, thanks, man.

MWT Tuesday, April 8, 2008 at 3:40:00 AM EDT  

On the flip side, much of my job involves hours upon hours of processing gigantic files by clicking the same buttons over and over. There's enough time in between the button clicking to be bored, but not enough time to actually do something else....

Nathan Tuesday, April 8, 2008 at 2:07:00 PM EDT  

Debbie Harry did a one day cameo in "A Good Night To Die". I spent the morning running around town dealing with stuff for the next day's shoot. When I showed up on set, the camera and monitor were next to the door, so when I walked in and looked at the monitor to figure out what we were up to, there was a close-up of her eyes. Damn. I was floored. I spent the rest of the day just staring at her from across the room. She was 58 and hot as hell.

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting! Because of the evils of spam, comments on posts that are more than ten days old will go into a moderation queue, but I do check the queue and your comment will (most likely) be posted if it isn't spam.

Another proud member of the UCF...

Another proud member of the UCF...
UCF logo ©2008 Michelle Klishis

...an international gang of...

...an international gang of...
смерть шпионам!

...Frank Gorshin-obsessed bikers.

...Frank Gorshin-obsessed bikers.
GorshOn! ©2009 Jeff Hentosz

  © Blogger template Werd by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP