Happy Tunguska Day!

>> Monday, June 30, 2008

On this day, in 1908, a remote Siberian forest was hit by a:



...whatever it was, Happy Tunguska Day! How do we celebrate Tunguska Day, you wonder? Why, you can celebrate Tunguska Day simply by continuing to exist! That's right!

That might not seem like much, but think about it: any of those things, even the completely-made-up items on the list, could have destroyed the human race if they'd been bigger or happened somewhere a little more crowded than Siberia. But we're still here! Take that, universe! And if any of those things ever do happen on a larger scale or in some place that draws crowds, like, you know, London or Tokyo or New York City or São Paulo or New Delhi or Beijing--pfft! (and imagine a throat-slitting motion with the hand, please): lots of us, maybe all of us, could be dead. The end! And we're not!

So that's how you celebrate Tunguska Day. By not being one of several million or billion people to die in a:

  • fireball
  • massive "nuclear winter"-style global cooloff
  • alien invasion
  • riot/mass suicide triggered by the maddening sound of daemon flautists
  • gravitational anomaly that implodes the Earth
  • condensate of all terrestrial matter into a Earth-sized goo of strange matter
  • temporal flux
  • monster's belly


Hooray! Happy Tunguska Day!

(I feel funny soliciting comments, but you can also help celebrate Tunguska Day, if you really want to, by suggesting a Tunguska Event Theory not mentioned in this post, or additional ways in which the entire human race could die of external causes--i.e. not by baking or gassing or nuking ourselves, but something the real or imaginary universe can unexpectedly throw our way!)


6 comments:

Random Michelle K Monday, June 30, 2008 at 3:53:00 PM EDT  

My Demotivators calendar claims it was the fault of Tesla.

Eric Monday, June 30, 2008 at 4:29:00 PM EDT  

I like it! There's a bastard who was always up to some kind of weird science shennanigans!

Jeri Monday, June 30, 2008 at 5:30:00 PM EDT  

I think that it was the day that some sort of fundamentalist deity named Tunguska was scheduled to return to earth in all his/her/its glory, flaming mace in hand, and smite the ungodly and scorch the earth.

Fortunately, Tunguska is a distractible deity and wandered off to the Eta Carinae nebula. He/she/it is busy smiting/bringing the good news to small, spindly, unchurched chlorine-based life forms in that part of the galaxy instead and has pretty much forgotten about us.

Thank goodness. Happy Tunguska day.

Nathan Monday, June 30, 2008 at 6:37:00 PM EDT  

I've been keeping this secret for years but I'll tell you if you don't pass it around.

Jimmy Hoffa's murderers were actually ready to off him in 1972, but they knew the means of his death would be highly destructive. They waited an additional three years before acting, so they could travel back in time to a sparsely populated region.

The murder left a hell of a lot more than just traces...but traces of what. Two mysteries solved.

You're welcome.

Eric Monday, June 30, 2008 at 9:34:00 PM EDT  

But another mystery has been raised: if Jimmy Hoffa was disposed of in Siberia in 1908, who the Hell is buried in the end zone at Giants' Stadium? Hmm. Come to think of it, what did happen to Judge Crater...?

I love these suggestions, folks. Thank you.

Happy Tunguska Day!

vince Tuesday, July 1, 2008 at 1:54:00 PM EDT  

Actually, Tunguska was remote way into the the land of Agharta in the hollow interior of the earth. The inhabitants, as I'm sure you're know, have 2 tongues which speak different languages, and have tremendous power: they can dry up oceans, make trees grow, and resurrect the dead.

The city is held in place by gravity centered in the shell of the earth, and the aurora borealis and aurora australis are caused by reflections from the sun located in the inner earth, reflection which the city uses as a power source.

Well, you know, there were a couple of kids from the city playing at this opening where they weren't supposed to be, and messin' with their power without enough training and in direct disobedience of the elders rules on when it's appropriate to use your powers, and one thing led to another, then

BOOM!

Ah, youth.

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