Oh, great news--thanks, science, thanks a lot...

>> Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Swell. According to some guys at UCLA, I only have about two years left to be brilliant in. Then, after that, I guess I get to spend the rest of my life like that guy in Flowers for Algernon, slowly, inevitably becoming dumber and dumber.

Yes, it's all over. My fate, 'tis written by Dr. George Bartzokis and his research team. My brain will begin to decay into a sodden lump at age thirty-nine, and it will only be a matter of time before I'm trying to interest my friends in Amway™ and regularly voting Republican. I already forget things, and I'm not quite thirty-seven: so imagine what it will be like when I'm forty. I'll probably forget to wear pants to work or something. The humiliation.

And I'm such a young light, I thought. I was starting to think, "Hey, you're not that old. You still listen to college music. You still have time to write some good stories." Well, so much for that nonsense. The myelin sheaths of my brain cells will go all to hell in a couple of years and I'll be too busy buying lottery tickets to even write a decent paragraph. It's the end, I tell you, it's over. In no time you'll be reading my equivalent of Hal's final monologue in 2001: I'll begin talking more slowly and singing a childhood song.

Mourn for me, friends. Today, I'm prete smsrt. butt in 2 yeerz ill bedum


12 comments:

Jim Wright Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 11:46:00 AM EDT  

Accept your decay, Eric. Revel in it. Become a curmudgeon. Join us.

I say this, as someone who is closer to 50 than to 40, if I'm decayed now, I must have been one brilliant son of a bitch in my twenties. Oh yes, brilliant.

I jus wish I cud rimember it...

mattw Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 12:06:00 PM EDT  

Ahhhhhhh, allow me to bask in the 13 years of brilliance that I have left to me. Ahhhhhhh. Yeah, that's the good stuff right there. :)

Jim Wright Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 12:33:00 PM EDT  

Bad news, folks, we have to kill Matt. Just saying.

Janiece, you get the bleach and plastic sheeting. I'll grab a shovel. Eric, you do lawyer stuff, this doesn't concern you.

Leanright,  Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 1:17:00 PM EDT  

I just turned 40, and still have the wisdom to vote republican as I did when I was younger.

My grandparents, however, bless their hearts, decorate their yard with all sorts of Obama paraphernalia.

Don't give up hope!

Nathan Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 2:05:00 PM EDT  

Doooood! You just run right in and volunteer for the bitch-slapping don't you? :D

Nathan Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 2:07:00 PM EDT  

And I'm 48. Where's my keys? Where's my wallet? Anybody want to know my mother's maiden name, my SS#, my bank account and credit card numbers? I know you just want them to help me with something.

Carol Elaine Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 8:31:00 PM EDT  

Yep, once I hit 40 a couple of years ago, it was all over. Except with me, I sometimes forget I'm already wearing pants and I tend to put on a skirt or another pair of pants over the first pair. I'm sure my bosses would point it out when I got to work, but they're about a decade older than me, so they're even farther gone than I am.

However, if I'm ever so far gone that I vote Republican, just take me out to the woods and shoot me.

rbird Thursday, October 30, 2008 at 5:13:00 PM EDT  

NO NO NO! You must read this New Yorker article. Social Scientists have shown that there is no truth to the popular belief that youthful energy is required to create genius works. (Seriously, you didn't believe me when I said that I love the New Yorker and it was the best present ever?)

Must read now:

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/10/20/081020fa_fact_gladwell

Eric Thursday, October 30, 2008 at 7:23:00 PM EDT  

Bird, you're only saying that because somebody we both know turns 32 tomorrow, leaving them with a mere seven--count them, seven years. ;-)

Jeri Friday, October 31, 2008 at 12:38:00 AM EDT  

Shit. The downhill slide is steep from here to garden mulch, isn't it?

rbird Friday, October 31, 2008 at 2:35:00 PM EDT  

seven years....that's only if i quit using meth, dude.

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting! Because of the evils of spam, comments on posts that are more than ten days old will go into a moderation queue, but I do check the queue and your comment will (most likely) be posted if it isn't spam.

Another proud member of the UCF...

Another proud member of the UCF...
UCF logo ©2008 Michelle Klishis

...an international gang of...

...an international gang of...
смерть шпионам!

...Frank Gorshin-obsessed bikers.

...Frank Gorshin-obsessed bikers.
GorshOn! ©2009 Jeff Hentosz

  © Blogger template Werd by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP