T3H EV11 IZ H33R!!!1!

>> Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I noticed something in Blogger Dashboard recently.

I noticed I was approaching my six-hundred and sixty-sixth post.

That number, of course, being significant to some people for... what is it again?

Oh yes: the evil.

I'm not a Christian; and if I were, I took too many religion classes in college not to know that the "Number Of The Beast" is probably a numerological representation of Nero. But I'm also a massive horror geek, and those three sixes are iconic--Damien's birthmark, the metal albums, etc.

How can I not make note of the temporary Satanic-ness of this blog? How can I not wag my tongue and throw horns while typing "SAAAATAAAAAN! WHOOOOOHOOOOO!"?

The Devil made me write this blog. That has a nice ring to it, no? Italicize and cap it, and it becomes a marvelous anthology of online ranting: The Devil Made Me Write This Blog--A Collection Of Online Raving And Drooling.

Word for the day for you: Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia--yes, it's fear of the number six-hundred sixty-six. It would be worth a helluva lot of points in Scrabble but for the fact it has more letters than Scrabble's fifteen-by-fifteen board allows.

And then there's U.S. Route 491. Some of you may be asking what that has to do with the massive evil of the six-to-the-six-to-the-six, and the answer is this road used to be Route 666 until the name was changed in 2003. (And people wonder why the United States is slipping behind in science and technology.) A legitimate reason for the switch is that there was a problem with sign theft. (Of course there was: how cool is a "Route 666" sign in your dorm room?) A less legitimate reason was a belief the highway was cursed: let's suppose for the sake of argument, shall we, that the Devil is real and the highway is cursed? So the Devil can't count? His Satanic Majesty relies on MapQuest? "Dammit, Aamon! I know my highway is around here somewhere! Are you sure we didn't miss the turn-left at the Carl's Jr.?"

Back in the '80s, when I was a kid, there was a national epidemic of Satanism. Everybody was a Satanist. We were all kidnapping kids left and right and sacrificing them. Some people were having babies just to sacrifice. And if you don't know this, it is because you are repressing traumatic memories of something something Satan somebody something. I know this because it was on Geraldo, a popular daytime talk show hosted by a serious and respected journalist named Geraldo Rivera who was famous for opening Al Capone's vault on live TV, an exciting moment during which the nation held its collective breath and was astounded. If you weren't alive for it, you missed out: just as people will ask "Where were you when JFK died?" or "Where were you on 9/11?" people will ask "Where were you when Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault?" (If it was acceptable to answer a question with a question, you might respond: "When Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault, where the fuck was all of Al Capone's shit?" I'm sure a few people managed to feel sorry for Geraldo; I kind of felt sorry for Al Capone: I guess the IRS really wiped him out.)

So anyway,everybody was a Satanist in the '80s, or would have to have been for everyone on TV to be telling the truth about their traumatic experiences--why would anyone lie on national television?

I played D&D back then, and you know that was totally Satanic. I learned witchcraft and spells and stuff. So don't piss me off: I know magic missile. And fireball, except I can't really use it because under first edition rules, the spell expands to fill the space and I always end up roasting my own party. Which isn't good.

I believe, with luck, I’ve timed the length of this post almost perfectly.

12 comments:

Eric Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 4:31:00 PM EST  

I may have jumped the gun a little: it looks like Blogger may be counting some unpublished Neverwednesday Nights posts in the total.

But whatever.

Hail Satan.

Janiece Murphy Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 4:46:00 PM EST  

All Hail Eric, loyal servant to his Satanic Majesty, Beelzebub.

::droned chanting::

Nathan Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 5:08:00 PM EST  

Bastard! I'm at 641 posts and I was waiting to do something similar. (You did it better, so I forgive you.)

Also, the Al Capone's Vault thing aired about 2 weeks before I moved from Boston to N.Y. I spent the night in a bar near Kenmore Square with a bunch of friends watching the show. There was a pool going on what would be found and I won $465 dollars based on my prediction of "Not Shit".

Lastly, by my count (OK MS Word's count), you're 4 words short. Just sayin'.

Eric Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 6:08:00 PM EST  

MS Word has a weird way of handling hyphenated words, which is why I felt I had to go with "almost perfectly" (yes, I cut and pasted into Word, played with the hyphenation of what I thought should be separate words, in the post, and then edited--it's possible human error came into it, however).

Similar kinds of things come up, for instance, during NaNoWriMo: my wordcount using OpenOffice has never matched the official NaNoWriMo beancounter count. (I've always used the NaNoWriMo counter as the official total, even when it was lower; this year that became mandatory to win.)

And that's freakin' awesome about the vault, Nathan: if you're ever asked about what was in it, I hope your answer is, "Almost five hundred bucks for me."

Janiece: Hail Satan!

Random Michelle K Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 6:42:00 PM EST  

Are we supposed to keep track of things like that.

I guess I missed out, as I'm on 2614 posts in Word Press, and that doesn't count posts from the Movable Type blog that failed (so the posts didn't get imported into Word Press), and the posts I made when I was writing straight HTML--about 19 months of posts.

Crap. That's a lot of posts.

Maybe I'll try and remember to celebrate the 7th anniversary of my blog this year.

Well hell, my blog is in what? Second grade? You'd think the writing you be better at that age.

668 the neighbor of the beast.

MWT Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 9:05:00 PM EST  

I'm more for Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light, myself. Not sure what his numbber is though.

Eric Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 10:01:00 PM EST  

Y'know, Nathan, Stan lives in your general area and makes a mean onion dip. Not sure if you already knew that or were just being coincidental.... :-)

John the Scientist Thursday, December 4, 2008 at 7:32:00 AM EST  

"I'm sure a few people managed to feel sorry for Geraldo; I kind of felt sorry for Al Capone: I guess the IRS really wiped him out."

And that, my friend, is why you are a defense lawyer. :D

Tania Thursday, December 4, 2008 at 3:19:00 PM EST  

Eric, I'll make sure I think some vindictive thoughts toward those that have earned my wrath, in honor of your blog.

I like calling matches Lucifers just to freak people out. Heh.

vince Friday, December 5, 2008 at 7:42:00 PM EST  

All hail Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light!

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