Signing the petition

>> Monday, February 09, 2009

Nathan, at Polybloggimous, has pointed out that something has gone bad--as in spoiled, as in past its expiration, as in needs to be dumped down the garbage disposal with the hot water running and one's breath held as one attempts to dump the offensive material into the sink while forcing it down the drain with a wooden spoon while not touching any of the foulness. And he's absolutely right.

We--as in you, dear reader, and he and I; not as in the royal "We" he insists on using in his post (he says for gravity; I suspect MPD)--are talking about bacon as an internet meme.

If you have no idea what I'm writing about, you should stop reading. Not because you may be puzzled or confused, but for your own safety. Reading a blog post about the saturation of bacon on the internet might lead you to a Google search for bacon as a meme. This in turn might lead to reading blogs about bacon, looking at pictures of bacon taped to a cat, reading reviews of utterly-repulsive-sounding baconish things, marathon viewings of Footloose and She's Having A Baby or an obsession with scientific method. That last probably wouldn't be so bad, except your scientific inquiries will most likely be limited to what hasn't bacon been combined with? Fat lot of good that will do the human race.

Bacon has gone from being a meme to being a virus. A virus of the mind. A delicious, hickory-smoked virus of the mind, yes, but still a profound danger. If you don't have it yet, get out before you come down with it.

Nathan traces the high point of internet baconary to John Scalzi's Whatever, and (much to his credit) Scalzi himself issued a sort-of apology for unleashing baconism on the universe. While I think it's fair to say that Scalzi was a sort of "Patient Zero", he shouldn't shoulder all of the blame: there are those who trace baconology on the web back to 1996. And I regret to say--though I suspect Mr. Scalzi might agree with me--that while he may be an epicenter of fatty porcine eruption onto the web, the high point of bacon as a meme was the bacon flowchart.

This is a wave that has crested, a peak that has been flown over, a line that has dipped, a sinkhole that has sunk, folks. It was funny, and now it isn't. It is done. Wired has (or had; I think they've renamed it) a recurring feature in its print edition--"Wired/Tired/Expired" (curiously, Wired magazine has itself never appeared, to my knowledge, in the last category). The bacon internet meme is defunct, pushing up the daisies, an ex-parrot, has joined the choir invisible, if you know what I mean. The internet bacon meme is assuredly not pining for the fjords, nor is it resting.

And it just isn't funny anymore.


So, consider this another front in the revolution. Kill this meme! It is over! It is done! Death to the bacon meme! From now on, bacon is something to be eaten with eggs, or on a cheeseburger or pizza, or wrapped around a meatloaf (and if you haven't tried that, it's practically a religious experience, brothers and sisters). Put chopped up bacon on your salad! Put it on a turkey sandwich! But tape it to cats no more, proffer it randomly in comment threads no longer! Let bacon be what it is--among the most sublime of foodstuffs, not the subject of decreasingly-droll japes and failed attempts to jest!

Le bacon est mort! Vive le bacon!


vince Monday, February 9, 2009 at 8:49:00 AM EST  

I like bacon. John the Scientist suggested that it was clogging my arteries over at Nathan's, but I consume it no more than twice a month. I also don't talk about it much.

But bacon is good. Be nice to bacon.

mattw Monday, February 9, 2009 at 9:15:00 AM EST  

Bacon's ok. I don't go out my way for it. Although I must say I'm intrigued by the Bacon Explosion and the one that's like that but with cheese in it.

But I agree, discussions of bacon and bacon-related products on the internet has become tiresome. Let's be done with it.

Kathy Monday, February 9, 2009 at 6:48:00 PM EST  

The internet bacon phenomenon had escaped my notice, I admit, but I will point out that, thanks to your sister, you're only a degree or two away from Kevin Bacon.

Jeff Hentosz Monday, February 9, 2009 at 7:10:00 PM EST  

It's getting old, yes, but I think the "zombie" is even more played out than breakfast meats (along with the inevitable, tiresome stretches of "brainzzz-trainzzz-grainzzz" puns that follow in its shambling footsteps like cast-off bits of offal).

Also--proclamations in comment threads of food or drink being orally expelled upon keyboards or screens due to excessive online jocularity. Hate that.

Also also-- "Princess Bride" quotations. Officially no longer cute. It was a good movie. But it wasn't that good.

Jeff Hentosz Monday, February 9, 2009 at 7:22:00 PM EST  

For the record: exactly two pages on from my stop here, I read a thread comment from someone cursing the host for "making coffee come out my nose." Sigh.

Eric Monday, February 9, 2009 at 7:25:00 PM EST  

No, not zombies! My attempt at a book right now has zombies!

(But, yes, "brainzz" jokes are old. Am I pedantic if I point out that Romero zombies ate everything and only the O'Bannon Return Of The Living Dead zombies ate brains? Or that prior to the Romero zombies, old school I Walked With A Zombie and Zombies On Broadway zombies ate nothing? Yes, yes that would be pedantic. Sorry.)

Nathan Monday, February 9, 2009 at 9:09:00 PM EST  

Yes Jeff, I'll join you in despising expectorated beverages. I'm not as militant on the zombie thing, but I'm all for solidarity.

As far as the Princess Bride thing goes, though, I don't think that means what you think it means.

Random Michelle K Monday, February 9, 2009 at 9:26:00 PM EST  

Stop using Princess Bride quotes? Inconceivable!

Also: I hate zombies.

Jeff Hentosz Monday, February 9, 2009 at 10:22:00 PM EST  

You're not pedantic at all, Eric. You're absolutely right -- Romero zombies ate guts -- and have therefore earned your zombies. Embrace them. But real quick-like and then run.

[If you want pedantic, here's something: if 1) the raison d'etre of zombies is propagation by mastication, and 2) the way to kill zombies is to blow their brains out, and 3) new-fangled zombies seem to be all about the brain salad surgery, then doesn't it stand to reason that post-28Days Later zombies, or whatever, are out-of-the-gate hellbent on self-extinction?]

Nathan and Michelle: I'm not saying there needs to be a flat prohibition on PB quotes, but can we agree using them in marriage vows is over the top? Yes, it's pronounced "marriage." I didn't like that character when I saw PB in a press preview in '87 and he hasn't grown on me.

Random Michelle K Monday, February 9, 2009 at 10:27:00 PM EST  

Jeff, I can accept that entirely. However I would like the caveat that when watching a movie and marriage comes up, it is perfectly correct to go, "mawidge" to one's partner. And then giggle.

And I much prefer, "she kissed me!"

Nathan Monday, February 9, 2009 at 11:04:00 PM EST  

I believe we have all reached a concord.

Let us go forth and protect the valuable reputation of smoked meats everywhere.

Steve Buchheit Wednesday, February 11, 2009 at 3:01:00 PM EST  

Eat bacon, don't blog it. You're using it wrong.

As for Princes Bride quotes go, "Get used to disappointment."


Damnit, now I need to go watch it again.

Tom Friday, February 13, 2009 at 11:04:00 AM EST  

Mmmm, peanut butter and bacon samiches, yummm!

"Is he using the same Internet we are?"

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