The lighter side of Gitmo

>> Thursday, April 02, 2009

This is admittedly the best photo to ever appear in this blogI stand corrected. All these rants about torture and illegal detentions, and it seems Guantánamo Bay is really a gorgeous place where you take art classes, watch movies, swim, hang out in bars and have fun. You know, college.

At least that's what Dayana Mendoza, a.k.a. "Miss Universe® 2008," describes in a recent blog entry dated March 27th, 2008. Yes, apparently she took some time away from her heroic efforts to cure AIDS to visit Gitmo and play with the attack dogs. ("We also met the Military dogs, and they did a very nice demonstration of their skills," she gushes; do I even want to know what the demonstration consisted of? No, to answer my own question, no, I do not.)

It's easy enough to understand what the U.S. Armed Forces got out of the visit: there is a time-honored tradition of pinups and Playmates visiting military bases to remind the servicemen what they're fighting for (not just the Constitution, but boobies, too, please don't forget the boobies).1 And Ms. Mendoza is undeniably a treat for the eyes (maybe a bit thin, but all these models are these days, and it isn't keeping me from ogling). What's a bit more difficult to understand is what Donald Trump or his lackeys are getting out of the visit, since any PR man worth $19.95 ought to have told them that Ms. Mendoza's visit could only result in controversy or her appearing a bit stupid--or, actually, both. Had Ms. Mendoza (or the author of her blog, if it isn't her) written something acknowledging the controversy surrounding Gitmo--much less something critical of American policy--it would have been a PR disaster for everybody involved. Instead, she ends up looking pretty vapid. So she wasn't appointed "Miss Universe® 2008" for her mind, I get that, but come on.

This is what Ms. Mendoza has to say about the detention camp:

We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the recreate themselves [sic] with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting.

(It is to be noted in all fairness to Ms. Mendoza that English is not the first of the former Miss Venezuela's three languages--hence, presumably some of the odd syntax.)

So, apparently this is what Binyam Mohammed was complaining about? I guess that Rob Schneider festival really put him over the edge; hey, I don't blame him, do you? Also, they kept running out of modelling clay on Wednesdays.


1I write this bemusedly, not critically: honestly, some teenager who's on foreign soil getting his ass shot up by rival teenagers for the sake of a foreign policy agenda that may (World War II) or may not (Vietnam) make any sense whatsoever deserves to see as many boobies as he wants or needs. They may be the last boobies he ever sees, for fuck's sake. And more power to whoever is filling the role of today's Bob Hope.

Of course, today's military isn't just a male affair, and I can understand that growing numbers may not be interested in visiting pinups and playmates. I'm not exactly clear on what women want--most women I know seem to view beefcake with a bit more irony than we guys possess when it comes to cheesecake. I think. I frankly admit to some cluelessness on this score. Regardless, the point is really that I have no problem with offering gender/orientation appropriate entertainments to anybody serving somewhere if it can be arranged.


Jeff Hentosz Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 2:00:00 AM EDT  

Mm, hmm. Mm, hmm.


She said what, now?

Nathan Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:05:00 AM EDT  

1. Love the new banner.

2. I saw this story in the Post yesterday and they were trying to portray it as if the only thing she had visited was the prison and the only comment she had was about how good they had it with the lovely beach. (Careful reading showed that this was really selective editing to make her look stupid.)

3. Only three languages? Yeah, that makes her a moron. Living in NY, I can't tell you how often I find myself getting pissed off at someone who is belittling someone else for mangled English when it's obvious that English is at least a second language while the "belittler's" English sucks and they don't speak anything else. (Usually a customer speaking Ebonics while bitching at the guy at a Chinese takeout window.)

(And I'm not going to change it, but I think I did a little mangling in that last paragraph myself. :D)

mattw Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:15:00 AM EDT  

Uh huh. Wait, what? I'm sorry, there was some talk of boobies and I got distracted.

Janiece Murphy Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:21:00 AM EDT  

I have no problem with offering gender/orientation appropriate entertainments to anybody serving somewhere if it can be arranged.

Speaking as a female vet, I don't either, although boobies don't really do it for me.

And I'm more likely to be inspired by a traveling company of Lipizzaners (horsecake?) than beefcake, but then I'm weird.

Whatever gets you through the night, I say.

Eric Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:32:00 AM EDT  

Nathan, indeed Ms. Universe speaks two more languages than I do, and so I don't mean to knock her syntax.

The link in the body of my post goes back to her blog entry, and my original source pointing to it was actually an entry at Slate that posted Ms. Universe's entry in full. I'm afraid the NY Post didn't have to do a whole helluva lot of editing to make her sound stupid. It actually isn't clear from her own post when she's talking about the detention facilities and when she's talking about the rest of the base (she appears to have toured both), and I'm not sure that's merely the result of English being a second language for her. More to the point, perhaps, is that Gitmo is a touchy enough subject worldwide that anyone as intelligent as Ms. Universe's handlers ought to be, her post should have been reviewed and edited before it went live on the official Ms. Universe site.

All that aside, I think we all realize Ms. Mendoza's title owes more to her nice cleavage and awesome cheekbones (and perhaps other assets not visible in her official photo) than it does with her profound insights into international human rights law.

vince Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:34:00 AM EDT  

And I'm more likely to be inspired by a traveling company of Lipizzaners (horsecake?) than beefcake, but then I'm weird.

Yeah, but that's what we like about you.

And we know Ms. Mendoza got shown just what they wanted her to see and no more. But people like Mike Huckabee on his stupid radio show noted how this contradicts all the people who are saying how horrible Gitmo is. "See - Miss Universe® 2008 saw that Gitmo is almost like Disneyland, and that proves what a bunch of liars all these detainees and their lawyers and the human rights people are."

Eric Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:35:00 AM EDT  

Speaking of lousy syntax and review: the second paragraph should have read:

"...Gitmo is a touchy enough subject worldwide that anyone as intelligent as Ms. Universe's handlers ought to be should have been reviewed and edited her post before it went live on the official Ms. Universe site."

Naturally, as we all know, comments can be deleted on Blogger but not edited. Posts are a different matter. I assume somebody could edit Ms. Universe's Gitmo post on the Ms. Universe site, yet as of this writing nobody has.

Leanright,  Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 12:52:00 PM EDT  

I would happily have my self detained AND waterboarded at Guantanamo just to see this woman in the flesh. Then I could die.

Jim Wright Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 1:46:00 PM EDT  

Back in the mid-80's while on a extended 8-month middle east deployment, I was embarked TAD on USS Wainwright (an abysmal Belknap Cruiser left over from Vietnam). In those days combat ship crews were strictly male. We'd been locking sabers with the Soviets over the Libyan crisis and had been at sea somewhere around 120 days without a port visit, i.e we hadn't seen a female of the species in a long damned time. Tensions were running a little high.

One day we got a short notice heads-up for an inbound helicopter from the Carrier Coral Sea. Whoohoo mail! we all figured. Nope, it was an H3 Duck with Miss America (New York, if I remember right), Miss Texas, Miss Tennessee, and five or six other big boobed bimbos in outfits that would have made a Hooter's Waitress blush.

Jesus H. Christ, it's a wonder the ship didn't capsize, every swinging dick in the crew was on the fantail to see those women.

They were part of the USO Bob Hope Tour - looking for photo Op locations. Those girls trooped off the bird, the USO PAO guy handed Miss New York a pristine new paint brush, she faked dabbing it at the aft gun mount while the phototogs did their thing, then they snapped a bunch of pictures of the rest of the girls on the flight deck. Then they got back in the helo and left. Total time onboard: ~10minutes. Total Sailors spoken to: 0. Total number of silicon enhanced boobs: 12 - 14 (I forget exactly, but it was an even number, I'm pretty sure).

A month later, Stars & Stripes printed a huge color layout. Square in the middle of it was Miss New York and her paint brush with the caption: "Miss America shows sailors how it's done!"

Yeah, up your Miss America.

I suspect Mz Mendoza's visit to Gitmo is about the same caliber.

MWT Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 3:49:00 PM EDT  

Am I the only one that thinks she's a bag of bones? I mean, look at those arms. They're sticks. o.O

Random Michelle K Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 8:31:00 PM EDT  

It's not her arms, MWT, as much as her ribs. I mean, she has a freaking indentation in her torso because she's so skinny.

And her collar bones look dangerous.

And if the guys are going to be impressed by *those* boobs, they may faint dead away when they meet Kimby.

Random Michelle K Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 8:34:00 PM EDT  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Random Michelle K Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 8:37:00 PM EDT  

And Leanright, really! She has a very pretty face and gorgeous hair, but she's got nothing on Marilyn Monroe or Elizabeth Taylor.

I'd much rather see well-rounded women than a stick figure with breasts and nice hair.

Eric Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:42:00 PM EDT  

Oh, I definitely think Quentin Tarrantino nailed it when he had a character in Pulp Fiction murmur that a woman should have a belly.

That having been said, I wouldn't be adverse to personally helping Ms. Mendoza fatten up a little....

(To quote meself: "Ms. Mendoza is undeniably a treat for the eyes (maybe a bit thin, but all these models are these days, and it isn't keeping me from ogling.")

rbird Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 10:47:00 PM EDT  

Pfbt, I guess. I don't have problem with hot girls (at least she is looking back at the camera and is slightly less objectified had she been looking away from the male gaze) or even skinny girls as a skinny girl myself (even though I'm still considered plus sized by modeling standards), however, I think the whole point is that she pretends to understand the experience at Gitmo? WTF?

John the Scientist Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 10:58:00 PM EDT  

As for languages and the nice lady, speaking as someone who at least can minimally communicate in 5 - it's not that big a deal. You can even teach someone with Downs Syndrome a second language. They'll speak it about as well as they speak their native language, but they'll speak it.

That being said, I've seen the situation Nathan describes and it pisses me off to no end, because, mentally impaired or not, it takes effort to learn a new language. A lot. Effort some of these subliterate morons chastising the Chinese take-out guy didn't even put into their native language.

When my MIL had her Chinese takeout place, she had to put up with a lot of shit like that. Well, her customers' kids are still working minimum wage at the White Plains Wal-Mart, and my MIL's kids are scientists and engineers.

Leanright,  Friday, April 3, 2009 at 2:58:00 PM EDT  

Helen Thomas might look good dressed like that after a few years in a prison camp.

Eric Friday, April 3, 2009 at 3:08:00 PM EDT  

That's... that's a pretty bizarre comment, Leanright.




Hm. Okay.

::crickets chirp::

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