I'm so glad the recession is over...

>> Monday, May 11, 2009

...because surely that's the only reason a group of Representatives has found the time and energy to introduce House Concurrent Resolution 121: "Encouraging the President to designate 2010 as 'The National Year of the Bible'".

Dear Christians: the next time you want to ask what we atheists get so angry about, take a nice long look at incidents of political grandstanding like H. Con. Res. 121. You'll have politicians wasting everybody's time on a showy, meaningless, offensive gesture calculated to show off their self-righteousness and religious prejudice and draw irate responses that will allow them to act all faux offended. "Oh," they can whine, "this is an example of how we Christians are persecuted all the time."

Resolved by the House of Representatives (the Senate concurring), That the President is encouraged--

(1) to designate an appropriate year as ‘The National Year of the Bible’; and

(2) to issue a proclamation calling upon citizens of all faiths to rediscover and apply the priceless, timeless message of the Holy Scripture which has profoundly influenced and shaped the United States and its great democratic form of Government, as well as its rich spiritual heritage, and which has unified, healed, and strengthened its people for over 200 years.


American Muslims are people of faith underwhelmed by your "Holy Scripture," and American Jews only believe half of it. There are American Hindus and American Buddhists. Dare we even mention American Wiccans? American Scientologists? And, oh yeah--all the atheists and agnostics.

Tell ya' what, pals--I give, you win. America is a Christian nation--it's the official State religion now. So Washington gets to decide what your church is like. There will be statutes defining what a church is and who God is and what the sacraments are and resolving all former disparities in doctrine about the Trinity, the Mother Of God, whether declaration of faith in Christ is sufficient for salvation or it must be joined with works.... No, no--this is what you people wanted, you wanted us to be a Christian nation, so let's make it official. Religious doctrine will be decided by the Secretary Of The American Faith, who as a cabinet position will be appointed by the President with the advice and consent of the Senate. Hearings start as soon as Mr. Obama narrows his short list down. All churches shall be Christian churches, Christianity being defined by a bunch of career bureaucrats in D.C.

No, shut up. You won, didn't you hear me? We're going to give you exactly what you fucking want and see how long 'til you choke on it.

Who has a stopwatch?

11 comments:

Janiece Murphy Monday, May 11, 2009 at 10:56:00 PM EDT  

Thanks, Eric. I already caught the Swine Flu from the SmartBoy, and now I'm nauseous, too.

I don't understand how some Christians can't see how offensive this is.

Perhaps if we advocated a "National Year of the Quran."

Leanright,  Monday, May 11, 2009 at 11:14:00 PM EDT  

I, as a Christian find it somewhat moronic. Our faith believe in something much larger than government, and to try to mandate something on this petty of a level reduces the meaning to worshiping God and Christ to a legislative excersize demeans what we believe to be true.

I agree with you on that part Eric, but I believe there is a difference between being "Self-Righteous" (See "Bill Maher"), and being "Righteous" (See "Jesus Christ").

Thank you.

Leanright,  Monday, May 11, 2009 at 11:16:00 PM EDT  

Sorry, grammar ALL OVER THE BOARD on that one. Next time, put the martini down, THEN type.

Wendy Monday, May 11, 2009 at 11:35:00 PM EDT  

I dunno, made perfect sense to me, no martooni here.

I thought the idea of this here experiment called the United States of America was freedom of religion.

OH, freedom to practice YOUR religion. I THINK NOT!!

Geez. People. Can't we all get along??

WendyB_09

Nathan Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 8:54:00 AM EDT  

Eric, you're starting to seriously annoy the shit out of me. It seems like every time I see something going on that I think I might want to talk about, you get there first. And you do such a masterful job of skewering it with a unique slant that hadn't occurred to me that I'm left with nothing to do but look for other fodder or embarrass myself with second-rate commentary.

Piss Off!

Eric Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 9:55:00 AM EDT  

Blog faster!

Though, seriously: I think we'd all love to hear your take, Nathan. I hope you're not really letting any of my posts block you.

Janiece Murphy Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 10:10:00 AM EDT  

Leanright, while I believe Bill Maher can accurately be described as an arrogant elitist and I don't always agree with him, I would think that such characters as Dobson and Robertson are more accurately described as "self-righteous."

Nathan Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 10:32:00 AM EDT  

Eric,

Your post isn't blocking me...I just don't have anything better to say on the subject.

My post would now consist of "Go read Eric's"

:D

Jim Wright Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 9:06:00 PM EDT  

Oh for fuck's sake - this is exactly why religious people in general piss me off, and Christians in particular.

You know, I'd really like to go off on a rant here, but I'm making hush puppies at the moment at that takes careful attention.

Carol Elaine Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 3:25:00 PM EDT  

First Janiece makes my head aslpode, now you, Eric? Stop it - I don't have many heads left (you should see how many I went through with Bush in office) and it's really expensive to keep cleaning the carpet.

Janiece, let's advocate a "National Year of Dianetics" - we'd could get some pretty high profile spokespeople.

(ducks and runs away)

Paul Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 4:11:00 PM EDT  

The issue of which particular flavor of christian we should be will be decided by a 5-4 vote of the Supreme Court. And the winner is Catholic!

I'm sure John Hagee will be thrilled.

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