Lazy jackasses who ruin it for everyone

>> Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Here's a petty annoyance I hate: you go to a blog, you read some interesting post, you want to leave a comment--and then discover the blog has obstacles between you and easy communication. There's an unreadable CAPTCHA you have to type in, there's a moderation policy that delays the posting of your comment, that kind of thing.

Which is why I'm really sorry any of you who want to leave a comment are going to have to start dealing with that.

Deleting the comment spam left by lazy, stupid, fucking jackasses who want to ruin the internet for everyone for the sake of putting a few dimes in their pockets hasn't been an enormously onerous task, but it has become something I'm doing every day now, and I'm finally bored with it. This isn't a hugely trafficked blog--maybe a hundred hits on a really good day--but the spambots still hit it, and it's not even just the old posts anymore (if it were, I'd solve the problem by activating the moderation for old posts option instead of using CAPTCHAs, which suck). There was even a brief period when responding to the occasional odd spam as if it came from a real reader was mildly amusing.

I have no idea whether comment spam actually even works for the mentally-defective asshole jackasses who engage in pissing all over the internet. It must at least work for the cretinous, ass-residue dolts who write the software that allows people to engage in it. But does anyone ever actually click on a link--or, in most cases, actually copy-and-paste a non-HTML web address from a poorly-spelled, grammatically-dubious ad into their address bar? I'm not just asking rhetorically: if some sub-moronic, drooling, basement-dwelling, fat, greasy, scum-fucking jerkoff who engages in comment spam happens to come across this post, I would love it if you tried to flail around defending your alleged "right" to make a "living" by vandalizing other people's virtual real estate--because I really want to give you an eyeful of what I really think, you ignorant shittard.

As for the rest of you readers, regulars and odd visitors alike: I'm sorry I've been forced to put a small fence up that you have to unlatch a gate for to get in and hang out. It stinks, and I don't like it either. But if you have a blog yourself, you understand: some people are destroying a communications and social tool that has made the world wonderfully smaller for the sake of pennies. I appreciate your patience, and I hope the new policy won't deter you from dropping a line now and then.

R. Eric VanNewkirk
Standing On The Shoulders Of Giant Midgets


Steve Buchheit Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 10:18:00 AM EST  

Join the club, Eric. It sucks.

My spammers were a little less lazy, they had found a way around the email notification procedure, and one even found a way around the prior post moderation I set up. So it's also captchas for me until I see their servers stop hitting my blog (we're getting close, they only try once a day now).

Dr. Phil (Physics) Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 10:44:00 AM EST  

What gets me is that I doubt that any mouthbreathing idiots who actually clicky on spam crap would even bother to read my blog -- so why spend the time/effort?

If they want to pollute MySpace, go right ahead. (grin)

Dr. Phil

kreflan -- a non-stick Mexican dessert treat

Paul Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 10:53:00 AM EST  

"cretinous, ass-residue dolts"??


Eric Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 11:06:00 AM EST  

Thanks, Paul--I liked that one myself. :D

Carol Elaine Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 11:11:00 AM EST  

At the risk of being obnoxious:


Oh, Akismet, how I love thee.

But, yeah, that totally sucks, Eric. Spammers will be against the wall when the revolution comes.

eliziggr = Prof. Higgins' Eliza android which also transforms into a yacht.

Janiece Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 11:26:00 AM EST  

I get very little spam on HCDSM. Which is pretty strange, since I get many, many hits from people looking for teh Pr0n. I average one or two month - seriously.

I know you and Jim have been having trouble with it, but so far I appear to be invisible to the spammers.

Of course, now that I've talked about it, I'll be inundated...

porcupen = an outdoor container in which you keep porcupines.

rbird Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 12:10:00 PM EST  

It's been me spamming you.


Ilya Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 12:16:00 PM EST  

I'll second Carol Elaine. Akismet seems to have been working perfectly for me since I moved to WP. I still have "first comment approval" procedure in place, but regulars are not affected, while spammers are kept at bay with little effort from me.

On the other hand, Blogger's Captcha is of the less-intrusive type, readable and easy to input. No biggie, Eric. Not that I am a frequent commenter, mind you...

Random Michelle K Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 12:28:00 PM EST  

initing = What happens to the Ookymaas bonfire

And really, Word Press.

leanright,  Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 12:40:00 PM EST  

Well said Eric. I appreciate your blog, and let me tell you why.

It's no secret that I have vastly different life view than most of you here, but you do at least allow me to have my say. That is integrity.

I was recently posting on Mrs. Bitch's blog, but she's recently been deleting anything I've said. I do get a bit more scathing on there, but "when in Rome". It's no wonder her readership looks like about three or four people.

You're blog is stellar, and if I have to type in a few extra letters for you to avoid the spamfux, then so be it.

Nathan Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 12:54:00 PM EST  

I gotta type captcha's here too? Fuck you Eric. No. I mean it. Really. Fuck you. You're totally lying about the spam just to make you sound more important.

You totally made that shit up.

Lying sack of shit!

Hideous Arse-Candle.

Oozing maggot-ridden leftover.

(Oh, and I think your blog's great too. I just figured as long as Leanright is singing your praises, I ought to rip you down a peg or two....ya'know...for balance!)

mattw Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 1:46:00 PM EST  

I'm right there with you. I know I post far less frequently and get less hits than you, but I have had to do the same because I've been getting spam on new and old posts alike.

Janiece Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 2:55:00 PM EST  

Nathan, I never thought I'd see the day when you actually had something in common with Fox News. Wow, dude - you suck.

And Lean Right, if you really want to be like us cool kids, you need to start playing the captcha game. It's amusing! It's healthful! It's fun for the whole family!

arysate = The drink enjoyed by Assyrians.

Mrs. Bitch Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 2:57:00 PM EST  

Hi Eric

As previously mentioned, I too have recently started moderating comments, but not due to spam... well, maybe it could be called that.

David, I will address this one more time, here (and I apologize in advance, Eric), since I won't be responding to you on my blog. I started a blog to avoid needless arguments with whining rightwing douchebags who aren't so much interested in debate as they are tossing out an insult and then getting defensive if someone responds in kind. If I want to hear and read that crap I'll visit your blog or one of the many others out there. Don't hold your breath.

My blog is two months old and I'm averaging a respectable number of pageviews per day. How about yours?

Steve Buchheit Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 3:30:00 PM EST  

And here I was going to complain about getting the sucky captchas when I get

dulane = where Tatto's plane needed to land when Fantasy Island's airport was busy.

Eric Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 3:37:00 PM EST  

Thanks for the compliments, everyone, and for the continued readership.

For anyone really interested in pageviews here at Giant Midgets: in the past thirty days, per analytics, I had 4,041 pageviews, 2,451 visits, and 824 visitors. The most visits I had on a single day, I had 111, the least, I had 36.

A toast to the hope that spammers perish in Hell with their eyeballs stung by wasps and their tender nether bits assaulted by hummingbirds while they're roasted on spits by ferret-headed demons. Sorry. Suddenly went all Boschian on you there, happens sometimes. I think I may have had too much of the popcorn that came into the office today--one of those big sampler tubs with chocolate-coated, caramel-coated and cheese-coated popcorns in it. Sugar high.

Janiece Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 4:29:00 PM EST  

Eric, I really don't get it.

HCDSM gets over twice the traffic as SOTSOGM (including the pr0n hits), and yet I have virtually no issues with spam, while you appear to be inundated. What algorithm are these retards using? It can't be traffic, since there doesn't appear to be any rhyme or reason to it, and it certainly isn't content. I would hazard a guess that the average intelligence of a SOTSOGM post far exceeds my own, which would imply dumbasses would be more likely to hang out with me than with you.

I don't get it.

ougni = A term used to refer to multiple cavemen named "Oug."

Michael Rawdon Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 4:52:00 PM EST  

I've been happy with WordPress' spam-killing abilities, too. Since it can be set to automatically kill spam on posts older than a month (rather than putting it into a spam queue), that cuts down on the spam I have to process even further.

Eric Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 4:54:00 PM EST  

I'm not really sure how their algorithms work, Janiece: the posts that I've had to delete spam from, some of them regularly, have not been the most heavily-trafficked posts. Some of them have indeed been among the most obscure entries here at SotSoGM. It's not something that follows any kind of obvious rhyme or reason.

I recently saw something--I think it may have been on Slashdot--saying that one of the newer spambots being distributed actually does target less-hit pages, in an attempt to find blogs that have been abandoned; unless they're trying to game Google's search engine, that practice would seem utterly counter-intuitive (the aim, presumably, would be to elevate spamsites' rankings by creating a condition in which those sites have been heavily-cross-linked--a game that Google purportedly nixes).

There's no way to slice it that it isn't an obnoxious practice. I really wish something painful, embarrassing and chronic would happen to the people responsible. Herpes outbreaks that spell out "I SUCK" in cold sores on their faces seems apt.

rbird Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 5:08:00 PM EST  

spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...


rbird Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 5:10:00 PM EST  

(Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.)

neurondoc Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 5:55:00 PM EST  

Green eggs and Spam.

I think my best day evar was like 75 hits. I've gotten 3 spam hits, and blogger asked me before posting them (for some reason).

I love your blog, and I will play the CAPCHA game if need be...

Leanright,  Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 7:16:00 PM EST  

Mrs. Bitch, I really think we have something special here! Do you feel it too? ;)

Eric Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 7:37:00 PM EST  

Okay, look, I was hoping that Dave would get his dig and Mrs. Bitch would get hers and then it could be dropped without me having to say anything.

Dave, drop it. This isn't the place for you to get into an argument with another blogger about her moderation policies.

(Mrs. Bitch, I trust you'll be gracious enough to let this be the last word on this here at Giant Midgets.)

Nathan Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 7:58:00 PM EST  


Fox? Really? They gots potty-mouths over there?

thipart: Just a little taste of chicken.

Jim Wright Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 10:52:00 PM EST  



Actra = jerk in your blogging group. There's always one.

Jim Wright Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 10:57:00 PM EST  

Janiece said: What algorithm are these retards using?

It's the word "midgets," I'm sure. That's like a porn spam magnet.

Of course, it doesn't explain the suddenly vasty increase in spam on my blog. As I said when I was forced to turn on word verification, I want to see these sons of bitches torn apart by wild dogs.

ingsh = the language spam is often composed in. Used primarily in Nigerian internet cafes.

Mrs. Bitch Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 1:05:00 AM EST  

For anyone on Blogger who is interested, IntenseDebate Comments is free, compatible with Blogger and uses Aksimet to block spam - the same thing used at WP, I believe. I've been thinking of switching, too. Hmm, that almost sounded like spam.

pider - a 7 legged arachnid

Jim Wright Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 9:57:00 AM EST  

Well, I thought about switching over to WP too, but I like Stonekettle Station the way it is.

But I will check out IntenseDebate Comments, Mrs Bitch, thanks.

likeject = I like you, but you're still leaving.

Janiece Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 10:11:00 AM EST  

Jim, you may be right about the "midget" thing. The world is full of sick, sick bastards, isn't it?

nalionst = A fetishist with a thing for false nails.

Jim Wright Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 7:17:00 PM EST  

Jim, you may be right about the "midget" thing. The world is full of sick, sick bastards, isn't it?

It's not necessary to say "Jim" and "Sick bastards" in the same sentence. It's redundant.


Corses = that raw nerve grating feeling you get when Air Supply comes on the radio.

MWT Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 12:51:00 AM EST  

Very late to the party as I've been out of the blogging rounds for a few weeks (okay, months >.>) ... but what is it with the anon comments that don't get emailed to me? How are they doing that?? T.T

So yeah, now I've just found several bits of comment spam on posts that were previously being hit by comment spam that DID get emailed to me. And I should probably check over the rest of the blog. And I've turned on the captcha too. -.-

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