Ask me: who has the toaster?

>> Thursday, March 11, 2010

Michelle said:

Who has the toaster?


Which was echoed by Nathan:

And who's got the toaster?


I have the toaster, it's just that you may not have seen it behind the booze:



...which frankly surprises me, as I would have assumed that you would have found it by accident after making a beeline to the alcohol. Or maybe you had to take a leak first, I dunno. Or, hell, maybe you were already sloshed.

Actually, this may not be the toaster you were referring to, as that other one fell into an inside joke somewhere and is possibly in an automobile trunk with my decaying corpse. But it is undeniably a toaster. Well. "Undeniably" may be overstating the case just a little. This is a cheap toaster I bought, oh, probably something like eight-to-ten years ago, if not longer--I think I got it for the apartment in Belmont, I don't believe I had it in law school or college, although that's not out of the question, either. I imagine--again, I don't specifically recall--that I actually paid too much for it at a supermarket, or it's possible I got it at a Target or Wal-Mart. Anyway, as to its toasterness, it has a very clever sliding mechanism underneath the lever that lets you adjust the amount of time bread spends in the toaster to a finely-calibrated range of two settings: "burned" and "barely-toasted." There used to be some other positions in there somewhere, but I seem to have lost them; then again, I'm alright with "barely-toasted." Still, I probably need to buy another toaster sometime before this one catches fire or something and ruins a perfectly-good bottle of Bailey's.

Mmmm. Bailey's. Excuse me for a moment.

What were we talking about again?

I haven't seen The Brave Little Toaster since college--hell, it might have even been high school--but I remember it made me very sad. But what's really disturbed me is the way there seem to be all these straight-to-video sequels to it, though it seems Thomas M. Disch was personally responsible for at least the first sequel. I hope they made him money, though I guess if they did, it didn't make him happy, since Mr. Disch took his own life a few years ago, which is still a damn shame. I never did read the original story, so I can't say whether the melancholy little first film was faithful or not; I've read that it mostly is.

Hrm. As Syd Barrett says on the second side of Madcap Laughs, "That short?" But I guess it is. Hope this was an acceptable answer, folks.


4 comments:

Janiece Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 10:44:00 AM EST  

Nathan says Bailey's is for sissy men. Or maybe he said girly men - I misremember.

Eric Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 11:09:00 AM EST  

I just did an online survey the other day that said I was a girly man. I don't actually have too big a problem with that--I think I'd make an awesome lesbian. Then again, I think the survey was kind of, what's that word these kids today use, wack? (Actually, I think that's those kids yesterday, but whatever.) There was one question that seemed to assume from my answer that I was more giving or considerate (allegedly statistically associated with women who were given the problem), when actually I got to my answer through a pretty fucking cold consideration of game theory and an evaluation of whether I would play the scenario the same way if it were multi-round like a game of Junta or Dune: Spice Harvest.

(The problem was this: you're given $50 and told to divide it with a stranger; if the stranger accepts the division, you both walk away with money, but if the stranger declines, you both get nothing. The thing is, the scenario actually exploits a human tendency towards fallacious thinking--the gut reaction is to risk gaining nothing by spliting evenly or cheating the stranger, when, in fact, a $1/$49 split still puts both parties ahead in spite of an illusion of being "unfair" or "generous" depending; I went with a $20/$30 split "against" myself, not to be nice but to improve my chances of becoming $20 richer. Actually, for all I know, is actually how most women analyze it, and some researchers just like to pretend women are being cuddly.)

Also, there was one timed test of spatial relations that I kind of screwed up because I was eating a sandwich at the time, and I knew I was screwing it up, but I really wanted to eat my sandwich. Which I mention less to excuse poor mouse clicks and more because of what it really says about me: that I apparently value sandwiches above accuracy.

WendyB_09 Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 9:04:00 PM EST  

There's a Cylon behind the alcohol?

What?

Eric Friday, March 12, 2010 at 9:25:00 AM EST  

Y'know Wendy, I don't know if you did it on purpose or not, but you perfectly summed up everybody's reaction to one (or two) of the "Final Five" in BSG in only seven words. Nicely done!

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