An open letter to Mr. (Dr.) Paul Volcker / Volcker Paul

>> Wednesday, September 08, 2010 final attempt to contact you...

Volcker Paul
From: Volcker Paul (
Sent: Tue 9/07/10 11:46 AM

The Claims Resolution Tribunal for Dormant Accounts,
Switzerland .
Grubenstrasse 78,
8045 Zьrich , Switzerland.


The Independent Committee of Eminent Persons (Switzerland) released its Report on Dormant Accounts of Victims of Nazi Persecution in Swiss Banks today in Zurich , Switzerland . The Report is the culmination of an unprecedented three-year investigation that has thoroughly examined the conduct of the Swiss banking system over a 66-year period concerning these accounts.

The Committee was unanimous in supporting the findings and conclusions of the Report. It is chaired by (me) Mr. Paul A. Volcker, former Chairman of the U.S. Federal Reserve Board, and is made up of 3 members and 2 alternates appointed by the Swiss Bankers Association, and the same number appointed by the World Jewish Restitution Organization and the World Jewish Congress (and Allied Organizations). Also I am currently Chairman-designate of the newly formed Economic Recovery Advisory Board ((ERAB) under President Barack Obama.

One major focus of the investigation was the identification of accounts that have a probable or possible relationship to victims of Nazi persecution. The accounts so identified as "probably or possibly" related to a victim vary widely in the degree of probability attached to them, and there is now no way of determining the number of accounts that will be claimed or that will be recognized for payment by the claims resolution process. Bearing these considerations in mind, 54,000 accounts were identified as probably or possibly related to victims. These identified accounts are the result of a careful review of some 4.1 million accounts out of 6.8 million accounts that are estimated to have existed in the 1933-45 period, leaving some 2.7 million accounts for which there was no surviving documentation and a gap that may have contained some victim accounts that cannot now be identified.

I really need your cooperation to move out some funds belonging to late Yigil Ehrenfreund (Holocaust Victim). The account has been found quiescent/dormant since 1945 and the credit balance is US$9.8M. I will bear all expenditures; you are ONLY required to provide a valid account to receive the funds. There is no risk attached if you can keep the deal private. Upon successful transfer of the funds into your account, my sharing will be 75% and yours 25% and must be after deduction of expenses.

I shall wait to receive your details if interested such as (legal name, verifiable home address, company’s name/address, private cell number, and verifiable scanned copy of your ID, private e-mail address only for this transaction, bank name, bank address, phone/fax numbers, account number, swift code, and routing number. My lawyer is waiting to submit the requested details to enable the Claims Commission commence with the funds release procedures.

Check out this;

Dr. Volcker Paul

Dear Mr. (Dr.) Paul Volcker / Volcker Paul

Wow! I really didn't think this letter was from you at all, and then I saw that you included a link to your very own Wikipedia article, and I was all, like, "Gee whiz, this guy is legit! He's in the encyclopedia!"

So I was, like, all ready to get Pops to send you the number of my college savings account and a copy of my ID and stuff, because I was like, how can you not help a guy who has his own encyclopedia article, when I took another look at your request and realized, dude, no way, nuh-uhn, dude, this guy wants you to store some Nazi ghost gold.

It's not like I don't want to help this guy Yggdrasil Arrowfreud, because I'm a big fan of Thor and Doctor Strange and Captain America. But I do not, I cannot say this enough times, I do not deal with Nazi ghost gold.

See, it's like this: ghost gold I can deal with. One time me and my friends found this chest full of pirate doubloons (during the Case Of The Mysterious Map) and this pirate ghost tried to kill us but then it was like he was just a creepy old guy in theater paint so the Arthurton Boys turned the tables on him like we always do.

And Nazi gold, there was this time Stu-Bean and Gibby and me went into Old Man Stëïnkënfölkër's place because we were investigating the Case Of The Stolen Zoo Animals and we found out he was like a Nazi mad scientist and he had Hitler's head in a tube and all the zoo animals and he was going to put Hitler's head inside a baboon's chest, so we kicked his butt because the Arthurton Boys don't put up with no Nazi war criminal guys coming into OUR town and mistreating animals like that. We didn't see any Nazi gold but if we had, we would have given to orphans or let Pops invest it for us.

But I totally draw the line at Nazi ghost gold. The Arthurton Boys like to tumble, but there is a line even we don't cross. You can ask Stu-Bean if you want because Stu-Bean isn't that smart (he flunked out of football last year, I don't mean he had to stop playing because of grades, I mean he flunked out of football), but I'm not getting involved. Because Nazis are bad and ghosts are bad, but you put them together and they're Nazi ghosts and that's really bad.

I wish you a whole lotta luck Mr. (Doctor) Volcker / Paul, and I hope you give those Nazi ghosts some American H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS!

-Peter "Friends Call Me Shrimp" Perkins


Nathan Wednesday, September 8, 2010 at 10:54:00 PM EDT  

This is my absolute favoritest one of these you've done.


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