The "joke," redux

>> Tuesday, October 05, 2010

So you might like to know that trained-ape-posing-as-a-journalist James O'Keefe has finally posted a sort of response to being exposed as a misogynistic perv who was part of a plan to sexually harass a CNN reporter. Or you might not like to know, actually, but there it is. Seems to be a slow week here at Giant Midgets, what can I say?

O'Keefe's smarmy, self-serving letter at Big Government doesn't really alter anything I wrote last Thursday. If you're not sick of the juvenile antics of a certain subset of the American political celebrity public, it has a few depressingly predictable features.

  • "What did I do wrong?"O'Keefe informs us he gets lots of ideas proposed to him, and he doesn't always implement them; he liked some of the ideas proposed by longtime collaborator Ben Wetmore but that doesn't mean he was actually going to act on any of them. Except the ones he was going to act on, of course. And nevermind that colleague Izzy Santa was disgusted enough to rat him out: she was just trying to "protect" James, it had nothing to do with feeling squicked out on behalf of a fellow female professional.

  • "This was going to be funny, but liberals have no sense of humor." For some reason, O'Keefe uses a news item about a conservative politician getting busted for misappropriation of intellectual property to say that "[Don] Henley [and by extension, one presumes, all liberals] loathes parody." Y'know, aside from whether his general point has any merit, one has to conclude that either O'Keefe is lacking in basic reading comprehension skills or is so cynical as to assume his audience will say, "Yep, that's classic liberals, hate funny stuff" and won't actually check out his link. What happened to Chuck DeVore and has happened to other conservative politicians over the last several elections is that they've attempted to make unlicensed use of pop songs and have been sued for their troubles. Now, it's possible some argument could be made that using copyrighted materials without permission in a political campaign ought to be covered by Fair Use doctrine, but if it isn't then what these "conservative" politicians have done is to take somebody else's property and convert it to their own use while denying the creator/owner the ability to properly profit and/or control the disposition of his property. Ironic, no?

  • "Speaking of humorless liberals, they're worse than I am." What do O'Keefe's proposed antics have to do with Elliott Spitzer, Don Henley, past news stories by CNN, Planned Parenthood, Charlie Rangel or ACORN? O'Keefe's missive isn't all that long, but he manages to cast his nets wide when fishing for distractions. This is one of the most tedious things people like O'Keefe do. Even if we were to concede all these people or organizations are just awful in whatever respect, it wouldn't alter one bit the fact that O'Keefe's chum Wetmore drafted a proposal to sexually harass (and, bluntly, possibly assault) a female journalist and (O'Keefe's denials notwithstanding) things were far enough along that a distressed Santa had to pull the plug on the wretched plan by approaching Abbie Boudreau and spilling the whole thing at some obvious risk to her career. Again with the ironies: one would assume a "conservative" would be big on traditions and family values--e.g. "two wrongs don't make a right" and "if all the CNN reporters were jumping off a bridge, would you jump off one, too?" You know who ought to be most disappointed in James O'Keefe? His parents.

  • "No, really, what did I do wrong?" But the ugliest thing about the O'Keefe document is the way it reinforces the impression that O'Keefe is a misogynistic pig who (as I said last week, quoting Spinal Tap) is wallowing in his own retarded sexuality. O'Keefe still says Boudreau was trying to "seduce" him, "as all liberal reporters do"--this is "a metaphor," of course. This is also, one suspects, news to everybody practicing journalism: if O'Keefe is right, then one truly does need to reevaluate Woodward and Bernstein's relationship to "Deep Throat," no? And if you want an image that will require you to bleach your mind, might I suggest Walter Cronkite in a teddy and thigh-highs? O'Keefe suggests that Boudreau wasn't going to be "faux 'seduced' unless she wanted to be"; the question that never disturbs his pretty little head or the walnut-sized lump of dried putty rolling around inside it is why an Emmy-winning investigative journalist representing one of the most-watched and most-prestigious cable news channels in the world would "want" to be seduced, whether for real or for "faux," by a twenty-something year-old manchild. I have no idea what depraved parallel universe O'Keefe thinks he's from, but it's probably the same one depicted in Axe Body Spray commercials.

  • "I'm really the victim here." I don't know how conservatives like O'Keefe get by pretending they're tough, hard-as-nails realists standing up against the passive victim mentality of those coddled by the welfare state, blah, blah, blah, when they're a bunch of the biggest chickenshits I've ever seen in my life. "I never wanted to be part of a CNN documentary," O'Keefe writes; Santa went into his "personal e-mails" to discover the plan (the one he wasn't really going to be a part of); his plea bargain to a Federal misdemeanor was misreported, boo-hoo, he pleaded out to a slightly different Federal crime and CNN didn't get it right the first time; CNN was just trying to discredit him, wah, wah, wah. This is where we get to what may be a larger point about what a jerk O'Keefe really is: he could have issued a "no comment" or an apology or claimed that the whole thing was a mistake and in poor taste, but instead he has to be the victim here, he's the one who has suffered miserably under the oppressive slings and arrows of outrageous CNN and the liberal establishment. Did I say O'Keefe was chickenshit? To call O'Keefe chickenshit is to leave one wondering what the hell the damn chicken was eating in the first place.

At this point, I have to consider that possibly the very worst thing about Master James O'Keefe is that he is a young man. He is, I think, in the vicinity of twenty-five years of age, and Google tells us that the average life expectancy of a human being is 78.4 years per 2008 World Bank data. Thus, we might expect up to another fifty-three-point-four years (give or take) of this asswipe's childish shenanigans unless he manages to get himself hit by a bus or catches something from an unwashed dildo the next time he's preparing for a serious interview with an investigative journalist from a major news network. I sincerely try (with admittedly limited success) to avoid wishing harm on most fellow human beings, however utterly without any discernible trace of human worth they might be; then again, my particular wishes also seem unlikely to matter in O'Keefe's case, since one fears he's one of those people seemingly protected by a mysterious force that strikes down brilliant servants of humanity while fostering smugly cretinous shitheads like O'Keefe; he is likely to be the one survivor staggering from the wreckage of a crashed jumbo jet strewn through some farmer's rows of burning corn--and meanwhile Stephen Hawking has ALS and David Foster Wallace is dead. There's something, perhaps, to the argument God's a fiction but Satan's real, alive and doing quite well for himself, thank you much.


Megan Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 8:55:00 AM EDT  

Yes, liberals have no sense of humour at all. That's the worst thing about American life today.

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