A dramatic scene in the spirit of an open letter to the scam artist who is posing as Robert Mueller this time

>> Monday, November 01, 2010

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET.‏

Robert S. Mueller III 10/30/10


From: Robert S. Mueller III (maxinebraczyk@earthlink.net)
Sent: Sat 10/30/10 6:59 AM

Assistant Director in Charge Shawn Henry FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET. ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON DC. Email: fbi_investigation07@hotmail.com FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET. Attn: George Wu, Address: 30065 Avenida Elegante Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275 USA Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275 USA 1-310-541-7840 1-310-541-7840 71 yrs,Engineer California Driver License #N5821830 Los Angeles Airport We believe that this notification meets you in a very good present state of mind and health. We the Federal bureau of investigation (FBI) in conjunction with some other relevant Investigation Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently have a transaction going on with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) as regards to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favor accordingly. It might interest you to know that we have takeout time in screening through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your contract payment is100% genuine and hitch free from all fact and of which you have the lawful right to claim your fund without any further delay. Having said all this, we will further advise that you go ahead in dealing with the Central Bank office accordingly as we will be monitoring all their services with you as well as your correspondence at all level. In addendum, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the Executive Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, in the person of Mr Sanusi Lamido along with some of the top officials of the Ministry regarding your case and they made us to understand that your file has been held in a base depending on when you personally come for the claim. They also told us that the only problem they are facing right now is that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating the Executive Governor and the central Bank office. We were also made to understand that a lady with name Mrs. Janet White from ARIZONA has already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund valued at about US$10.7,000,000.00(Ten million united states dollars), but the Central Bank office did the wise thing by insisting on hearing from you personally before the go ahead on wiring your fund to the Bank information which was forwarded to them by the above named Lady so that was the main reason they contacted us so as to assist them in making the investigations. They further informed us that we should warn our dear citizens who must have been informed of the contract payment, which was awarded to them from the central bank of Nigeria, to be very careful prior to these irregularities so that they don't fall victim to this ugly circumstance. And in case you are already dealing with anybody or office claiming to be from the Central Bank of Nigeria, you are further advised to STOP further contact with them in your best interest and then contact immediately the real office of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) only with the below information's accordingly: NAME: MR SANUSI LAMIDO CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA TINUBU SQUARE VICTORIA ISLAND LAGOS NIGERIA OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR CONTRACT #: MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009, Swift Code: BPH KPL PK, A/C#: 329606=101244=169=678 FOREIGN REMITTANCE Our Ref: CBN/IRD/CBX/021/04 Email: cb.n00010@officeliveusers.com TEL: +234- 709-228-1730 NOTE: In your best interest, any message that doesn't come from the above official email address and phone numbers should not be replied to and should be disregarded accordingly for security reasons. Meanwhile, we will advise that you contact the Central Bank office immediately with the above email address and request that they attend to you payment file as directed so as to enable you receive your contract fund accordingly. Ensure you follow all their procedure as may be required by them as that will further help hasten up the whole procedures as regards to the release of your fund to you as designated. Also have in mind that the Central Bank of Nigeria equally has their own protocol of operation as stipulated on there banking terms, so delay could be very dangerous. Once again, we will advise that you contact them with the above email address and make sure you forward to them all the necessary information's which they may require from you prior to the release of your fund to you accordingly. All modalities has already been worked out even before you were contacted and note that we will be monitoring all your dealings with them as you proceed so you don't have anything to worry about. All we require from you henceforth is an update so as to enable us be on track with you and the Central Bank of Nigeria. Without wasting much time, will want you to contact them immediately with the above email address so as to enable them attend to your case accordingly without any further delay as time is already running out. If you are in need of any more information's in regards to this notification, feel free to get back to us so that we can brief you more as we are here to guide you during and after this project has been completely perfected and you have received your contract fund as stated. Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation in advance as we earnestly await your urgent response to this matter. BEST REGARDS Robert S. Mueller III Federal Bureau of Investigation J. Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001, USA Email: fbi_investigation07@hotmail.com CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication and its attachments may contain non-public, confidential or legally privileged information. The unlawful interception, use or disclosure of such information is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, or have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete all copies of this communication and attachments without reading or saving them. BEST REGARDS Robert S. Mueller III Federal Bureau of Investigation J. Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001, USA CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication and its attachments may contain non-public, confidential or legally privileged information. The unlawful interception, use or disclosure of such information is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, or have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete all copies of this communication and attachments without reading or saving them.


SCENE: THE WHITE HOUSE, SOME TIME IN MID-OCTOBER, 2010:

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Alright, well... the outlook isn't as good as I'd hoped, but if we can just pull through the midterm elections.... Anything else I need to look at, Pete?

ACTING CHIEF OF STAFF PETE ROUSE: Well, Mr. President... it's kind of a strange proposal from the OMB. They've stumbled across a way to balance the budget before the election. If we act on it now, we'll be running a Clinton-era surplus again by November 1st.

OBAMA: That would be nice, Pete, but there's no way we'll get anything like that through Congress. They'll just stonewall us again like they did on healthcare, and--

ROUSE: But--I'm sorry to interrupt, sir--but that's the beauty of it. We don't have to get Congress involved! It's a policy we can implement by Executive Order and then simply refund the United States the money that was already budgeted for the routine expenditures of the Executive Branch!

[There is a long pause, during which THE PRESIDENT looks like he might have suffered a small stroke.]

ROUSE: Uh... Mr. President? Sir?

OBAMA: Go on.

ROUSE: It's the returns, sir!

OBAMA: The election returns, you mean?

ROUSE: No, sir! The return keys on all the keyboards used by the Executive Branch of the United States! The OMB has determined that the use of the return key costs the government .002 cents, as in two hundredths of a penny, sir, every time it's used. Now, that doesn't sound like much, but--

OBAMA: --but if you multiply it by the number of Federal employees and the number of keyboards and the number of documents.... Oh. My. God. I need a--

[PRESIDENT OBAMA depresses a secret button beneath his desktop and retrieves a half-empty package of cigarettes and a cigarette lighter once owned by former President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, now on super-double-top-secret loan from the Smithsonian Institute. He offers one to ROUSE, who declines, then lights a cigarette for himself and smokes furiously.]

OBAMA: Don't tell Michelle, though I think she'd forgive this one. So... [he smokes, thinks] ...how do we keep Federal employees from hitting return by accident? That may be the problem, unless--has the OMB figured out how much it would cost to send a crack team of repairmen into every Federal office to confiscate their "ENTER" keys?

ROUSE: Way ahead of you, Mr. President. The savings would only be reduced by 17.5% overall, and, not only that, OMB believes we could use previously-allocated-but-unassigned stimulus money to short-term-hire otherwise-unemployable typewriter repairmen who have been hurt by the recession, stimulating the economy and having a net effect of reducing the savings generated to 17.4% overall.

OBAMA: My. God. [Lights a second cigarette, then puts the pack and lighter back in the secret compartment.] If Michelle presses you, I only had one. Okay, okay. So, how quickly can you have an order on my desk?

ROUSE: Under the circumstances, sir, and considering the beauty of the proposal, I went ahead and took the liberty of having an Executive Order prepared. It's ready for you to sign.

OBAMA: [Signing with a flourish] Thank you, Pete. Anything else?

ROUSE: No, sir. Anything else you need, Mr. President?

OBAMA: I hate to ask, but... overall, you're doing a better job than Rahm did, but sometimes... sometimes I miss him--

ROUSE: Fuck, sir. Fuck those motherfucking fuckers, fuck, fuckity, fuck. Son of a motherfucker, Mr. President.

OBAMA: Beautiful. Thank you. Keep me posted, okay?

ROUSE: Of course, Mr. President.

[ROUSE exits stage left. CURTAIN.]

3 comments:

timb111 Monday, November 1, 2010 at 9:50:00 AM EDT  

You mean I read that whole e-mail and you just comment on the formatting? Bitter; what I am sir, is bitter.

Note that the FBI is also saving money by using hotmail. I think they deserve some recognition there.

Mrs. Bitch Monday, November 1, 2010 at 11:35:00 AM EDT  

Oh, thank you, Eric. I feel so vindicated to know that the White House staff also speak in sentences entirely composed of expletives. Fuckin' A, what a goddamned fucking relief.

maniatte - um, is this a conspiracy? All of my captchas are starting with men or man. It's like they're just asking for it.

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