Quote of the day--batshit reactionaries turning me on with their doomsaying edition

>> Wednesday, December 01, 2010

The Botkin sisters aim to validate living a life of confinement with staunch, if unfounded, opinions and beliefs regarding college. "College campuses have become dangerous places of anxiety, wasted years, mental defilement and moral derangement," they write. Although neither of the sisters has attended college, they also claim universities are hotbeds of Marxism that forbid a free exchange of ideas and seek to indoctrinate students in leftist thinking. Elsewhere, they quote a document from the pro-patriarchy website Fathers for Life that states that the "prime purposes of feminism are to establish a lesbian-socialist republic and to dismantle the family unit," echoing Pat Robertson’s notorious statement that feminism is a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians."

-Gina McGalliard, "Creepy Christian Patriarchy Movement
Shackles Daughters to Their Fathers and Homes"

Bitch Magazine via AlterNet, November 29th, 2010


A "lesbian-socialist republic"...?

That....

That is so....

...hot.

I mean, we're talking about, like, Paradise Island, right? Amazonian island with women in togas wrestling each other over who gets to fly the invisible jet and wear the eagle bustier and American flag bikini, yeah? Because, I don't know, maybe you don't want to hear this or anything, but I'm okay with that. I mean, really okay with that. I mean, like, I'll-be-back-in-five-or-ten-minutes okay with that.

Okay, so I consider myself a feminist as much as any guy can be in terms of treating women as equals with males, equal pay for equal work, fair representation in politics, etc., etc.; I had no idea that feminism was a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." If I'd known that, I have to confess I'm down with everything except the child-killing plank of the platform, although if that's a reference to being pro-choice as opposed to a whole Medea thing, I think it's possible we're even on the same page there. Bottom line being that I had no idea feminism was that cool and free-wheeling. Silly, naïve me, I thought feminism was just about equities, I had no clue it was about establishing Joss Whedon's dream society. As long as the new constitution ends better than season seven of Buffy, I'm down with ratification. Where do I sign the petition? Who do I call in Congress? How many times am I allowed to vote?

What I find so funny on occasions like this is the way a fundamental, hidden truth about the culture war in America is exposed. The culture war isn't necessarily between conservatives and liberals, or the godly and the secular; no, it's between the squares and the cool kids, if you're still allowed to use the term "square" without being one. The squares describe, clearly horrified, the terrifying alternative to their way of life, the writhing pit of evil at the bottom of the slippery slope of doom, and you listen to it and instead of being as mortified as they'd like you to be, you're not only amused by how much their perceptions deviate from reality, but you actually find yourself a little wistful re: their nightmare dystopian future, if not actually a little turned on. A society ruled by lesbian witches? I mean, come on, there are mountains of escapist entertainment in every medium you could care to mention based on that premise, and some of it isn't even pornographic. Some of it just features a little side-boob or cleavage.

I half-kid, but it's hard not to. The squares don't get the music and they don't like the clothes, the movies are too sexy and violent and none of the books mention God enough if they work Him in at all. They're boycotting the television shows and complaining about the video games. The comic books go on this bonfire and the magazines on that one (or maybe there should be separate bonfires for the women's mags, the men's mags, and, you know, one for GQ), and do DVDs burn or should they just be smashed up with hammers? So they come up with their alternatives, and have you noticed that, with rare exception, their alternatives suck? The music is bland and the prose deathful and the television shows star Kirk Cameron and the videogames are boring and look like they were made in 1991. Which goes a long way towards explaining why the squares are so frantic, actually, because they ought to be scared that their kids would rather watch Megan Fox trying to keep her shirt on in a firefight in a Michael Bay FXtravaganza than watch a Left Behind DVD; I hate Michael Bay and it's still a no-brainer to me. But when the squares try to explain what awful things will happen if we don't choose the dull, preachy and bland over the cooltastic and nifty, how is it that they still manage to make the wrong choice sound so right?

They even manage to do it with their afterlife, for crying out loud. A featureless cloudscape Heaven with a stoned-looking Jesus surrounded by symbolic farm animals or Hell with interesting company (all those scientists and whores)? So it's eternal torment, I don't know, a man can get used to anything and I'd love to have a chat with Charles Darwin between floggings. I'm not sold on this being a bad thing, in other words. And the Heaven these fundies describe and paint pictures of, etc., sounds an awful, awful, awful lot like the one sardonically described by Talking Heads as "a place where nothing ever happens," only much worse, while their Hell tends to look suspiciously like the sleeves of mid-'80s metal albums, which, let's be honest, were frequently the best things about some of those records.

So, y'know, bring on the free love and free thought! Bring on the libertine Marxist fascist godless Satanist totalitarian anarchy! Bring on the socialist lesbian witches, I'm ready for the end of life as we know it as soon as I can get my hands on a bottle of expensive booze and maybe an order of takeout wings in case I get nommish halfway through the bottle! And if I can get in on the action? Even if it's just operating the camera, babes, count me in!




5 comments:

Mrs. Bitch Wednesday, December 1, 2010 at 12:28:00 AM EST  

Turning les-bi-an, I think I'm turning lesbian, I really think so!

What is with these people and thinking that you just switch your sexual orientation at the drop of a hat?

There's so much stupid in that quoted section that I really am sitting here not knowing where to begin, so I won't.

Besides, I think you covered it all. Good post.

Steve Buchheit Wednesday, December 1, 2010 at 9:00:00 AM EST  

"Amazonian island with women in togas wrestling each other over who gets to fly the invisible jet and wear the eagle bustier and American flag bikini, yeah?"

As Jayne said, "I'll be in my bunk."

Janiece Wednesday, December 1, 2010 at 9:04:00 AM EST  

I am so going to be a socialist lesbian witch the next time I decide I need a life change.

After I join Jayne in his bunk.

Jeri Wednesday, December 1, 2010 at 2:52:00 PM EST  

Rawr! And it's never too late to become a socialist bisexual polyamorous hedonistic witch. ;)

Carol Elaine Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 2:10:00 PM EST  

I am so going to be a socialist lesbian witch the next time I decide I need a life change.

After I join Jayne in his bunk.


Count me in!

And, uh, I think we're going to need a bigger bunk.

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