Hey, gang, let's all help Rick!

>> Monday, April 18, 2011

No, we're not going to have a car wash or danceathon to save the old diner--that's next weekend! This week, we're going to help Rick Santorum!

That's right, you read that correctly. Put your eyes back in their sockets. We're going to be magnanimous because that's how we are here at Giant Midgets.

Here's the background: it seems that Rick "Goddamn You, Dan Savage" Santorum had a bit of an incident last week on Ruination Day where somebody kind of sort of pointed out that Rick had borrowed his presidential campaign slogan ("Fighting to Make America America Again") from a pro-union poem written by a (probably) gay black leftist. Oh noes! This prompted Mr. Last-name-no-longer-suitable-for-general-audiences to disavow the slogan, as reported by the Union Leader:

"No I had nothing to do with that," Santorum said. "I didn't know that. And the folks who worked on that slogan for me didn't inform me that it came from that, if it in fact came from that."

The student, whose name was not immediately available, was referring to the poem "Let America Be America Again." When asked a short time later what the campaign slogan meant to him, Santorum said, "well, I'm not too sure that's my campaign slogan, I think it's on a web site."

It was also printed on the campaign literature handed out before the speech.


Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! People are going to be horribly unfair to Rick about this, not realizing that the busy task of running to be nominated for president requires constant attention and effort, and it's only reasonable to delegate such mundane tasks as choosing the primary mission statement for your campaign to anonymous staffers! I think would-be critics need to consider the possibility that Rick is too busy running for president to have to worry about everything, including such petty and trivial details as deciding upon a catchy, symbolic phrase summarizing the essence of why he's even bothering to run.

Which is why I feel sorry for him. Genuine pity. And I think it is only fair, however much we might disagree with some of Mr. S's ideological agenda, to help him out so he can focus on the important and difficult, executive-level aspects of campaigning. Which is why I'm calling upon all of my loyal readers and any random visitors to help Mr. S. find an alternate campaign slogan to put on his website and campaign literature. I can't offer any prizes, I'm afraid, but that's not really the point of this--the point is to brainstorm a good campaign slogan for Mr. S. so that he doesn't have to be tarred with an association with one of America's greatest poets who just happened to be really left-wing and possibly one of those awful homosexuals who are trying to make this the United States of Gay.

So, please help in the comments section. Really good campaign slogans are positive and don't reference the opposition (no negative campaigning, please!), and the best, I think, will have some familiarity to the general public, whether they can quite put their fingers on it or not. Some examples of the kind of thing I have in mind:


Restoration Calls For More Than Changes In Ethics--This Nation Asks For Action, And Action Now! Rick Santorum For President


Rick Santorum's Land Is Our Land!


Which Side Are You On, Boys? Rick Santorum Is On Yours!


You Have Nothing To Lose But Your Chains! Workingmen Unite For Rick Santorum!


Rick Santorum Chooses America As His Home Because He Values Freedom, Democracy, Civil Liberties And An Open Society! Vote Rick!


I Am Rick Santorum And I Have Come To Liberate America!


I think those make for a good start, and I don't see any way Mr. Rick could get into any kind of complications regarding attribution or similarity to anything said by anybody else, ever. But don't let those restrict you if you have a really good one for Mr. S. (but do try to be... "nice," kids). So, gang, are you going to leave me hanging or do you have any suggestions for our frothy friend? Share 'em in the comments if you've got them, and cast any votes for your favorites down there, too!



22 comments:

Nathan Monday, April 18, 2011 at 11:08:00 AM EDT  

Santorum -- By Any Means Necessary!

vince Monday, April 18, 2011 at 11:36:00 AM EDT  

This land ain't your land
This land is my land
Get the hell off of my land
Go find your own land

This land ain't your land
This land is my land
This land was made for me, not you.


Sincerely,
Rick Santorum

Dr. Phil (Physics) Monday, April 18, 2011 at 11:53:00 AM EDT  

Take Me To Your Leader

Rick Santorum For President


Dr. Phil

Steve Buchheit Monday, April 18, 2011 at 1:28:00 PM EDT  

R. Santorum, John Gault without the whimsy!

When Crying Isn't Enough, Vote Santorum

Santorum, Fuck All

Vote Santorum, We Could Do Worse

Won't Get Fooled Again, Santorum 4 Prez

Because Snake Oil Salesmen Need a Voice Too, Santorum for Prez.

Nathan Monday, April 18, 2011 at 3:00:00 PM EDT  

The revolution will not be televised?

Eric Monday, April 18, 2011 at 3:31:00 PM EDT  

Excellent stuff so far, gang, keep 'em comin'! Personally, I'm especially liking Nathan channeling Malcolm and Janiece bringing Khruschev to the table, but these are all awesome. Like I say, keep 'em comin'!

Nathan Monday, April 18, 2011 at 8:01:00 PM EDT  

Rick Santorum -- Joe Hill is at his side!

timb111 Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 10:51:00 AM EDT  

The People and Santorum Are Undivided

Jim Wright Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 1:30:00 PM EDT  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jim Wright Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 1:32:00 PM EDT  

Santorum Pride!

(insert Rainbow of Conservatism here)

Jim Wright Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 1:39:00 PM EDT  

Under the spreading Chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me...

Rick Santorum

Rob Galbraith,  Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 1:42:00 PM EDT  

Rick Rolls For America
Vote Santorum 2012

Spread Santorum from sea to sea
Vote for Rick Santorum

Janiece Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 1:46:00 PM EDT  

No war but class war! Vote Santorum, vote for your class!

ScottE Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 4:20:00 PM EDT  

Slogan: Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of America!

Santorum, for President.

ScottE Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 4:22:00 PM EDT  

One more: The people who cast the votes don't decide an election, the people who count the votes do.

Help each vote count for Santorum!

Sharon Smith Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 10:36:00 PM EDT  

Why vote for the lesser evil?
Vote Santorum, the Great White Satan.

susersis- disease which compels the suffer to constantly "shush" people around them

Janiece Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 10:44:00 PM EDT  

Sharon, I thought the Great White Satan was the Wisconsin Labor Movement?

I'm so confused...

kapiter = Madea's idea of capitalism

Sharon Smith Wednesday, April 20, 2011 at 12:30:00 AM EDT  

I'm from Pennsylvania. Santorum is definitely Satan. Also, crazy-- & not the fun kind. I loathe that man more than I loathe country music & that's saying something. Never was a man more deserving of achieving internet fame by being compared with fecal matter.



nesish- kinda sorta resembling the Lock Ness Monster, but not quite

Tom Friday, April 22, 2011 at 12:08:00 PM EDT  

Santorum Happens!

or

Why be left in when you can be left out?

Santorum: Change for Stability!

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