An open letter to Giulio Morescanti

>> Thursday, October 27, 2011


giulio morescanti

From: giulio morescanti (
Sent: Wed 10/26/11 11:52 AM

howdy cutie, its me from last week! Do you still want to meet up for
some fun? =o) I can email you a couple hot pix if u like!!!hehe Add on MSN msngr. I'm using it right now if u
wanna to message me. kisses!

Subject: Fwd: FW: Fwd: Fw: Read before opening picture
True or not - this is pretty creepy - & just in time for Halloween!
Subject: FW: Read before opening picture
This photo was taken in a hospital after the patient in the bed was in an
accident where he was responsible for a young woman's death.
It is said that when you receive this image and do not send it to at east
five people, the woman will look for you during the night to collect your
A couple in a western suburb area of Sydney received the message and
deleted the picture without sending it to at least five people. This
couple was murdered by their 15 year old neighbor who claims to have been
possessed by the woman. A 28 year old woman in Whittlesay Road,
Cambridgeshire, England, was run down by a car driven by another female
that fit the description of the woman in the photograph, the police
investigation revealed that the murdered lady had received this picture
only 4 hours before her untimely death and did not pass it on to at least
5 people.
the ministry were of my opinion.

Dear Giulio,

I don't know you. I didn't speak with you last week and I don't know why you'd offer to send me "hot pix" or want to chat with me. And maybe I'm setting myself up for a cruel fate in responding to you, but I also don't want anyone's blood, not even a stranger's, on my hands if I can help it.

You forgot to include the attachment in your message.

I'll confess, my first thought when I read your e-mail was that I was in trouble--I needed to forward this hospital photo--whatever it might show--to five people, lest I suffer some horrific fate right out of Suzuki's Ringu. And then I frankly became frantic when I looked and saw there was no attachment, so how could I form my link of the chain? I was doomed!

Except, see, then I looked at the fine print: "when you receive this image and do not send it...." Aha! I didn't go to law school for nothing! When I receive the image, but I haven't received the image, therefore this vengeful spirit can't hold it against me that I didn't send it on to five more people. I am off! Scot free!

You, on the other hand....

Look, I am really, really sorry to have to tell you this, and I can only hope you read this letter before you get pushed into a cement mixer by a girl who looks remarkably like the woman in the photograph or are bitten by a rabid squirrel she's possessed or suffer some similarly ignominious fate, but you're still on the hook. If you haven't forwarded the image, you're done for. Rules are rules, and while I'm sure you broke them accidentally, that's no more a defense than it would be for a player accidentally going offsides during a soccer game and getting killed by a murderous ghost for of it.

Unless. It strikes me as possible that you sent the attachment, and Microsoft's spam filters stripped it when they sent it to my junk mail folder. In which case, it seems safe to figure that you're safe because you sent the image and I'm safe because I never got it, but Microsoft has received it and now needs to forward it to five people lest the corporation suffer a horrific accident that destroys the company. Perhaps I should be warning them there's a ghost in the machine on a secret journey through the darkness of their server farm, that every little thing she does is magic, for she is one of the spirits in the material world, or do you think that's too much information for them to handle? It's just that I'd hate to be the cause of Microsoft's demolition, man, and dammit, that's all the titles I can think of to cram into that joke, that's the alpha and the omega, man, okay, I forced one more in but you can see for yourself how rotten it is. (Like it's been spoiled sitting all day baking in the heat of an invisible sun? Hoo-ah!)

Where was I? Oh yeah, I was warning you that you're in grave danger. Possibly.

What concerns me, selfishly, is the possibility that by tipping you off, you might send me a copy of the picture (I almost said "another copy", but, obviously, you never sent me a first copy and that's why I have immunity for now.) But, again, I'd feel bad to have your blood on my hands, whomever you are.

Also, while I'm thinking about it, a word of advice. I'm trying to think of how to tactfully but honestly say that I really don't think I'd be interested in a dude's "hot pix". I guess I could forward that one to the Significant Other, because I'm open minded and don't mind her looking or whatever, but then (based on the context) I'm not sure she's the one you want looking at you (I'm assuming the "hot pix" are of you... oh dear gods, please tell me you're not trying to send anybody "sexy" photographs of some bedridden hospital patient... I know there are fetishists who are into that kind of thing, but, still, I'm kind of thinking, "ew".)

But that parenthetical gets to the point, really. Which is that I think attaching an invitation to sexy or flirty chatting and sending of presumably naughty images is probably subverted by packaging it with a story about what I presume is a frightening picture taken in a hospital room. Unless, again, you're trying to appeal to a particular fetish community, in which case... I dunno, have at it? But if you're just trying to appeal to ordinary straight women or gay guys, Giulio (and why am I inclined to assume it's the latter?), you might want to try a different approach. You know, one that's less explicitly creepy and morbid. I say this, mind you, as somebody who loves creepy and morbid stuff, and in fact I was a bit amused by a recent thing I read by Chuck Palahniuk describing the cute-but-repulsively-outfitted girls he saw cosplaying at last year's ZomBCon, because I actually can understand how a woman would still be attractive even if she was shambling around made-up to appear as if she had one eye hanging loose or her ribs protruding from a gaping hole in her abdomen, though we should bear in mind that this is fantasy, people playing dress-up, and not a real corpse walking around, which would (a) look pretty horrific and (b) smell, and really have zero sex appeal and I should probably shut up now before this sounds like something it isn't, if it's not already too late for that.

Again, where was I? Life in danger? No, we did that already. Hang on. Ah, yes, I was making suggestions for how you should go about hitting on people in the future, assuming you weren't killed by a failure to click "attach file" before clicking "send". Yeah, so as I was saying, I think maybe more "Hey, cutie!" and less "FATAL CAR ACCIDENT CAUSED BY GHOST DRIVER!" is in order unless you're just that obsessed with J.G. Ballard. Which I guess you might be. I mean, I still don't know you.

Regardless, good luck. Or my deepest sympathies. Whichever is more appropriate.


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