An open letter to Nanthana Chansithipongse

>> Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Re: Thanks For Your Response‏

From: Nanthana Chansithipongse (nanth@follerservices.com)
Sent: Sun 3/04/12 4:24 AM
To:

Good morning,

It's me Nanthana Chansithipongse, I want to donate what I have to the needy.You Could be surprised why I picked you. But someone has to do it. I have been diagonalized with Breast and Blood disease which has defiled all forms of medical treatment and I have been told by my doctor that my days are numbered on earth. I have been touched to donate from what I have made from this World to charity through you for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my relatives to use my hard earned funds inappropriately after my death. Please email me with your contact information such as Your Full Names, Address, Direct Telephone number and direct email address s o I can tell you what you need to do and also give you more details about myself.

Regards.
Nanthana Chansithipongse



Dear Nanthana,

If I ever thought I was completely unloved in this world, you've done a fine job of abusing me with proof of it. "You Could be surprised why I picked you. But someone has to do it." Gee. Thanks.

I'd like to say I'm sorry for your bisection, but, all things considered, I hope it hurts. I hope that you have been diagonalized from somewhere just above the left shoulder and down to just below the hip. If that's how it works. I just have no idea. It's possible you mean that your Breast and Blood disease has caused you to walk with a limp, so that you always look like someone filmed at a Dutch angle, like a Batman villain. Maybe it isn't that one leg is shorter than the other: perhaps you have some kind of excess of blood-filled breasts sprouting like tumors up and down one side of your body, lading it down. Gods only know. How does that work?

It must be horrific, though. It's one thing to have an incurable disease, another thing to have an illness that somehow destroys or damages medical equipment, or renders it unfit to ever be used again. So your Breast and Blood disease is something like MRSA or leprosy or something: "Aii! Unclean!" shrieks the physician as he throws everything that's touched you into an incinerator. Or, perhaps, the medical equipment is rendered spiritually impure: can it be salvaged by a priest or does it have to be buried in some uncanny ritual beneath a certain moon.

I tremble.

Accordingly, we need to discuss what you've touched before we get into specifics like my Direct Telephone number, etc. Apparently medical equipment that touches your bloody breasts is defiled, so why shouldn't I assume that whatever it is you want to give me hasn't been similarly defiled. I have enough problems without bringing something in my home that carries a hideous infection or paranormal malaise. If that's what your pity entails, I especially don't want any part of it.

I realize you plan on offering me instructions. If they involve gallons of lye and/or holy water, thanks but no thanks.

We also need to discuss what you mean by your fear that your relatives will use your hard-earned funds "inappropriately". If you mean they'll blow it all on porn, you probably need to find someone other than me to feel sorry for.



Sincerely,
R. Eric VanNewkirk
Standing On The Shoulders Of Giant Midgets



P.S.

If you're really Nanthana Chansithipongse, Nanthana, well-played, sir.


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