Tales From The Spam Folder: Contract Executed: A Special Agent Reverend Kelvin Williams Thriller (free excerpt)
>> Tuesday, January 22, 2013
YOUR IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT. (CASE FILE 54AC003)
From: ATM Fund Release Department (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sent: Tue 1/22/13 7:18 AM
YOUR IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT.
The Federal Government of Nigeria has been seriously warned by the United States Government, International Monetary Fund (IMF), World Bank, United Nations (UN) and other international bodies to make sure we settle most of our outstanding foreign debts we owed to Next of Kin's. Fund Beneficiaries and foreign contractors that executed contract with us immediately, this program is organized by the Board of Trustees and Directors for the end of the Year "POVERTY REDUCTION AND ERADICATION". We are using our reputable and well known organization to let you know that you are one of our chosen beneficiaries for this program of "POVERTY REDUCTION AND ERADICATION" in your country e-mail directory.
We hereby inform you that you have successfully been chosen and compensated for an International ATM card written out in your name in the amount of $750, 000, 00 in our West Africa regional Annex. Now, for the compensated price, you will have to contact the Finance House and the Compensation Department for your perusals and claims of your compensated price and my dear beneficiary, below is the contact of the Finance House and Compensation Department (FHCD) for the collection and claims of your international certificated ATM card:
But, a very surprising record was discovered in your payment file that is why you have not been contacted about this since then. Records showed that your inheritance payment has been approved four times and duly completed two times. Also we found out that these funds totaling $750,000,00 was transferred directly from the central bank of Nigeria to the below stated bank account on your authorization and an international ATM CARD was also sent to your house address. This has now resulted in bringing the USA and British Government into the case and we really want you to explain to us what you know about this transfer/payment and delivery.
BANK NAME: STANDARD CHATTERED BANK,
BANK ADDRESS, 138-141 1ST FLOOR, EDINBURGH TOWER,
THE LANDMARK, 15 QUEENS ROAD, CENTRAL HONG KONG,
ACCOUNT NAME: INDO-CHINA GROUP LTD,
A/C #: USD114-102-5567-8,
SWIFT CODE: SCBL 11K111
The most baffling part is this payment keeps coming up in every period of debt reconciliation and verification always receives approval like now. NOW OUR QUESTION IS, HAVE YOU RECEIVED YOUR FULL PAYMENT OR ANY PART OF YOUR FUND ENTITLEMENT OWED TO YOU BY THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT? WE NEED AN ANSWER FROM YOU WITHIN 24HOURS FROM NOW. AND IF WE DO NOT HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE TODAY, WE WILL ASSUME YOU ARE INVOLVED AND HAVE RECEIVED OVER PAYMENT, WHICH ONE SHOULD BE RETURNED TO NIGERIA
Help us to help you, If not call him immediately you receive this message today on is direct number( +2348180201715 ) or send me a details email disclaiming the information so that you will be issued with claim identification code (CIC) which will help you to secure your claim and payment from fraudulent officials. And also you will be advised and guided accordingly on how you will receive your legitimate fund entitlement from the Nigerian Government, which will be credited into your nominated bank account within 72hours from now or delivered to you as well to your door step.
Therefore, i would advise you to contact FBI Agent Rev. Kelvin Williams for assistance and inform him that your CASE FILE is 54AC003. Contact him directly via the information below if you are yet to receive your funds.
UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION AWARD PROGRAM
CONTACT Officer: Rev. Kelvin Williams
CELL PHONE: +2348180201715
Once again it is important to note that your Fund/Payment was released with the following particulars attached to it.
(1) File Number: F1267-2009
(2) Ref. Code: KP23/857/MCL5 /CO
(3) Grant Number: MICC/97846563459/206
(4) Personal Identification Number (PIN): 0866750
Once again stop contacting those people. I advise that you contact Rev. Kelvin Williams so that he can help you in the collection of your ATM CARD payment instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction and the FBI agent can also direct you to the paying bank.
Finally remember that I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on your behalf to send the International ATM card to you as soon as you contact them without delay. Please be informed that you should treat this as confidential as ever and in good faith from the Board and Management of the Organization, Also be informed that the International ATM CARD must get to you through a courier company which you will be responsible for the fees as soon as you contact the agent and also if you want the fund to be transferred as well through the paying bank.
What you have to do now is to contact the Rev. Kelvin Williams as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your package to you because of the expiring date, The only money you will send to the agent to deliver your International ATM card to your postal Address in your country is ($150USD) Dollars only being documentation and Security Keeping Fee of the Courier Company so far. Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except $150USDollars, beside if you fail to comply with the needed $150 US Dollars required there’s no way we can deliver the International ATM card to your country.
You are to provide the following information.
Your Full Name:....................
Personal Telephone Number:................
Thanks. God Loves and Bless you and your family.
Hope to contact the F.H.C.D soon.
FORMER UN SECRETARY GENERAL
(CHAIRMAN OF FUND RELEASE)
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Reverend Special Agent Kelvin Williams is a man of Faith and Justice. On his right shoulder he has a tattoo of Christ in His Passion, on his left shoulder a tattoo of the only Earthly man he reveres, J. Edgar Hoover. His love of God and familiarity with every deadly weapon invented by man have brought him through crisis time and time again, but now he faces his greatest adventure yet, a frantic chase to collect a documentation and security keeping fee before time runs out, aided only by God's Grace and his latest partner, sexy British MI6 agent Simone du Bolvinski....
CONTRACT EXECUTED: A SPECIAL AGENT REVEREND
KELVIN WILLIAMS THRILLER
“Agent Williams,” Assistant Director Byron Fletchman said, gesturing towards a chair. “We’ve got another one.”
“Same M.O. Inheritance payment. Nigerian. Approved four times, completed twice, keeps coming up in debt reconciliation and verification.”
“Another dead trail, Williams. The Board Of Trustees And Directors went to the national e-mail directory, sent out a request for personal information with a twenty-four hour deadline. No response.”
“You think payment’s been made?”
Fletchman slammed his palm flat on his desk. Williams placid as a glacier until Fletchman opened his mouth. “Goddammit! Sorry, Williams.”
“I serve the Lord first and the Bureau second, sir.”
“I know—look, it gets to me. That’s no excuse. Look… we just don’t know. The benefactor won’t respond. Maybe they’ve been paid, maybe they haven’t. We’re completely baffled.”
“And you want me to find out.”
“You’re the best we have, Williams.”
“I’ll get right on it, sir.”
“You know what you have to do. This is important, Williams. Three quarters of a million dollars are at stake.”
“I’ll bring him to God, sir. And if that doesn’t work….”
Silence hung in the air like gunsmoke.
“…I’ll bring him to justice,” Williams concluded.
Williams went downstairs to his office and said a short prayer before opening the file already on his desk. This was big: the United States, the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank, the United Nations, and other international bodies were trying to reduce and eradicate poverty, but were being thwarted by a sinister organization of program recipients receiving duplicate inheritances. The Federal Government Of Nigeria was keen on getting at least some of the money refunded to them, but recipients cleverly refused to respond to the e-mails sent personally by the former Secretary General of the United Nations, who personally drafted and typed each and every message. The governments involved tried to keep a lid on the emerging scandal, but the funds were initially deposited with a chattered bank in Hong Kong, so everybody within earshot now knew about the problem.
This wouldn’t be easy. Williams’ last investigation of an unresponsive beneficiary ended in gunfire, the suspect wounded and Williams’ partner, Danny Germaine, dying in Williams’ arms while Williams administered last rites.
Williams’ phone rang. He picked it up. “Special Agent Reverend Kelvin Williams.”
Static. Williams gave the handset a quizzical look and hung up. The Bureau was having phone problems.
The phone rang again. Williams picked it up. More static, but this time he could hear someone breathing on the other end of the line. “Who is this?”
“I’ve got your money.”
“Who is this? What money?”
“Your hundred and fifty, preacher.”
“Get that to us and we can release your funds. But we have to know who you are, and your age, sex, occupation, et cetera.”
“I got your money preacher, but this isn’t going to be easy. You’re going to have to work for it.”
“The Bureau doesn’t make deals.” Williams had the phone wedged between ear and shoulder while he tried to initiate a trace via the Bureau’s computer system.
“The hundred-fifty is in one dollar bills, preach. You’re gonna have to find them. You’ll be contacted with further instructions.” There was a metallic click in Williams’ ear, then silence.
Williams looked at his computer screen. This was impossible.
The call had been placed from inside the building.