>> Thursday, May 15, 2014
During the conference, the Rev. Cesar Truqui, an exorcist based in Switzerland, recounted one experience he had aboard a Swissair flight. “Two lesbians,” he said, had sat behind him on the plane. Soon afterward, he said, he felt Satan’s presence. As he silently sought to repel the evil spirit through prayer, one of the women, he said, began growling demonically and threw chocolates at his head.- Anthony Faiola, "A modern pope gets old school on the Devil",The Washington Post, May 10th, 2014.
I, for one, found this anecdote extremely disturbing. The account doesn't specify whether this incident happened in Coach or Business, or--Heaven forfend!--in First Class, but I don't suppose it matters.
The main concern, obviously, is that Satan is now targeting lesbians.
We don't really know, do we, whether Satan possessed some poor lesbian before coming aboard the plane, or whether Satan merely assumed the form of a lesbian for the purposes of leading another lesbian into temptation. We can't say whether these lesbians on a plane were a couple, even: was this a happy, perhaps even married, pair of lesbians and Satan entered one of them; or did The Enemy, perhaps invisible, observe a lesbian at the airport and, taking the form of another lesbian, sidle alongside her with nefarious intent?
We will assume that Satan, like Catholic priests, has a gift for noticing and singling out lesbians: he is as capable as any spiritual/demonic being of observing that a woman has short hair, no makeup, and is wearing an Indigo Girls tour t-shirt with blue jeans and Birkenstocks, yes?
In any case, we must heed Father Truqui's warning and pass it along! Satan is going after lesbians, and if you are a lesbian, you might well be next! Granted, it's a bit of a vague warning: if you're a lesbian, and you are approached by another apparent lesbian who is growly, has a bag of chocolates which she probably isn't eating (so as to reserve them for some greater malfeasance), doesn't like hearing prayers, and wants to go on a plane trip, stay away! Run! Do not go near her! If this chocolate-flinging, basso-voiced, Sapphic practitioner is someone you're in an ongoing relationship, you should probably dump her, though I guess you could also find a priest to conduct an exorcism (it just seems like an awful lot of bother, is all).
Whatever you do, don't buy plane tickets with "her". It does not end well.
We can only imagine what horrors awaited the non-demonically-infested lesbian on the Reverend's plane. Was she knocked over a second-story bannister to land on the floor below and later pushed out a hospital window? Did Satan abruptly grow a penis and impregnate her with his evil seed while a coven of creepy old people stood around and watched them having sex? Was the beloved Lilith Fair shirt she's had since college ruined by pea-green vomit stains? Did Satan surprise her by coming out as a gay male who loves showtunes and Saddam Hussein? We can only speculate from the kinds of things we're pretty sure Satan is up to from previously-well-documented incidents. But we know nothing good could come of it. Well--actually, Satan has a pretty good voice, so the bit where he belts out something Broadway-ish probably would be alright, but still. Most of the time, getting tangled up with Satan is a bad thing, with screaming and blood and crazy lighting effects.
So, if there are any lesbian readers visiting this blog: be wary. Satan is evidently among you. We don't know what he wants, but he may throw candy at someone. Good luck, and be careful out there, okay?