Eazy e

>> Thursday, May 29, 2014

Folks, I need some legal help.  I know, I know--I'm a lawyer, and why does a lawyer need legal help?  Same reason a general practitioner in medicine might need a brain surgeon.  Same reason the flight attendant can't just step out in front of the passengers on a plane and say, "Hey, everybody please stay calm, but does anyone here know how to operate any kind of vehicle whatsoever?"  I do my thing and I like to think I do it well, but I'm not an intellectual property specialist.

And I need to file a trademark.  On this:

e

"What?" you incredulously ask.  "The letter 'E'?  You want to trademark the letter 'E'.  VanNewkirk, you've lost your mind.  You've gone insane in the membrane.  You're playing without a full deck, you're truly gone fishing, you are all kinds of metaphors for bugfuck crazy.  We knew it would happen someday, and boy did it ever.  Trademark a letter!  Pish!  And posh!  Trademark a letter of the alphabet, as if!"

And I say, "Nuts.  Nuts, I say, and nuts, I mean.  That's not a letter.  That's a number.  That right there is Euler's Constant, a.k.a. 'e', a.k.a. the natural log (as in logarithm, not something that came out your butt, what are you, five?) and while it coincidentally looks like my middle initial, smartypants, it really signifies the limit of (1 + 1/n)n as n approaches infinity, approximate value 2.71828-et cetera, and trademarking letters that are numbers is totally a thing now."

No, seriously.  It's a thing.  Some jackass has trademarked π and evidently the USPO let him.

Okay, okay, it's a little more highfalutin' than that, you got me.  If you follow the link, he trademarked, π, period, as in:

π.®

See, the period is like the grace note in "Ice Ice Baby" that completely and totally differentiates it from "Under Pressure".   So what I really want to do, I guess, is trademark this:

e.


And then I can put it on stuff.  You know, stuff.  Like, you know, shirts, I guess.  And other articles of clothing, not just shirts.  Like... sweatshirts, for instance.  Or hoodies.  Or maybe wifebeaters.  I mean, there's a lot of potential here, and if you help me, you could get rich.

Or we could just harass Zazzle users, right?  Like, you know, send Zazzle a demand that they pull any merch that has our e. on it, because, like, maybe some of those people will, I dunno, license our number from us.  I think there's a plan for profit, here.  I mean, yes, basically my plan right now looks like, "(1) Trademark e, (3) PROFIT!" which sounds kinda familiar for some reason, but I think it's a sound plan.

Plus, you know, economists and biologists and people who track logarithmic exponential growth for whatever reason (oo!  I'll bet vampire hunters use e all the time!) probably put e on stuff: academic journals, government reports, whiteboards, chalkboards, backs of envelopes, cocktail napkins, etc., etc.--we might be able to get lots of licensing money from all those rich public university academics with their "tenure" and their "health plans" and their "working a part-time job during the summer but don't tell my students I waited tables all July"!  Ha!  We'll be milking it in!

So help me make this dream come true.  Riches beyond compare could be ours for the taking if you'll just help me fill out some paperwork trademarking the use of Euler's Number followed by a period on whatever the hell someone might want to put Euler's Number on.  This is totally a plan.  The world is our oyster.  Why, given enough time and a breeding population of bivalves, the world is our N0e(rt) oysters....

Help me out here, friends.  We can totally make this a thing.  Clearly.




7 comments:

Warner Thursday, May 29, 2014 at 12:21:00 PM EDT  

" Euler's Constant, a.k.a. 'e', a.k.a. the natural log "

Ummm actually it is the base of the natural logs. The natural log of e is 1.

The log (base 10) of 10 is 1

Also the link you have is somebody trying to trademark PI, but the description says the mathematical symbol for PI, which is π not PI

Eric Thursday, May 29, 2014 at 12:28:00 PM EDT  

The blog posts I linked to indicate that Zazzle has responded to a demand to pull designs incorporating the symbol π, and the description of the mark for registered mark 4473631 describes it thus: "The mark consists of the pi mathematical symbol followed by a period." So, yeah, the USPO let Paul Ingrisano trademark π.

As to the mathy bits, Warner, I'll cut you in for a consultant's fee when we start seeing all that e money flowing in.

Warner Thursday, May 29, 2014 at 12:40:00 PM EDT  

Ok the font this writes in made that Pi show up more like a lower case n, which also shows up in probability and statistics as a math symbol.

And do remember that this ties into that because

e^iπ-1=0

thus relating e and π as well as i and the two digits used in binary.

A larger fortune awaits.

Nathan Thursday, May 29, 2014 at 5:14:00 PM EDT  

All of this brings up an important quetion...does anybody have the symbol for a registered trademark (that little circle around the R) registered as their trademark?

Hmmmmmm. You could get paid every time someone wants to display the fact that they own a trademark on something. They'd have to use your registered trademark trademark symbol to do it.

I think i"m gonna get richer than you are.

Anne C. Friday, May 30, 2014 at 2:21:00 PM EDT  

Nathan, you are a genius. You need any help writing up that TM trademark? I'd be happy to help... ;)

Tom Friday, May 30, 2014 at 8:06:00 PM EDT  

Nope, can't do it. I already put A (as an acronym for Acronym, single or multiple letters) in the public domain (http://snave.org/evalut/index.php/2003/06/19/p33). It could be argued that "e." is an A for Euler, and therefore in the public domain.

Sorry, prior art.

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