An open letter to Mrs. Betty Rawlings

>> Wednesday, October 21, 2015


From:     Mrs Betty Rawlings. (
Sent:    Wed 10/21/15 12:56 AM

Foreign Payment Department
South Africa General Board & Compensation Reserve Team
4 Castle St Paarl, Cape Town, western came, South Africa.

I am Mrs. Betty Rawlings, I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside here in New Braunfels Texas. My residential address is as follows. 108 Crockett Court. Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas, United States. am thinking of relocating since I am now rich. I am one of those that took part in the Compensation in South Africa many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $52,000 while in the United States trying to get my payment all to no avail.

I decided to travel down to western came, South Africa with all my compensation documents and i was directed to meet Barrister Mahatma Gandhi who is the member of COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE, I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake because the Inheritance/Compensation Law clearly states that the beneficiary/recipient is exempt from paying any out of pocket fees or charges to receive said funds.

Barrister Mahatma Gandhi took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment.Right now I am the most happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of ( $1.5million USD ) Moreover, Barrister Mahatma Gandhi showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your name and email address as one of the beneficiaries that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your funds, they are only making money out of you.

I will advise you to contact Barrister Mahatma Gandhi You have to contact him directly on this information below.

Name: Barrister Mahatma Gandhi

You can call me for more informations +27-625-749-194

Listed below are the name of mafias and banks behind the non release of your funds that I managed to sneak out for your kind perusal.

1) Agent Davis Morse
2) Mr James B. Comey
3) Mr Ibrahim Lamorde
4) Ms Carman L. Lapointe
5) Mrs Sherry Brubio
6) Bar James Morgan
7) Bar Anderson Brown
8) Bar Harry Cole

The only money I paid after I met Barrister Mahatma Gandhi was just $500USD for the delivery charges, take note of that.


Once again stop contacting those people, I will advise you to contact Daniel Williams so that he can help you to deliver your funds instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.'

Thank You and Remain Blessed.
Mrs Betty Rawlings.
This email has been protected by YAC (Yet Another Cleaner) http://www.███.██

Dear Mrs. Rawlings,

I doubt I have too many regular readers of Standing on the Shoulders of Giant Midgets anymore because I no longer have regular posts for them to read these days.  But whatever readers I have are surely disappointed that I hardly ever type up open letters to fine, upstanding, helpful citizens such as yourself anymore.

This is largely your fault.  I'm sorry.  That's a terrible way to begin a letter, but we might as well get it out of the way.  It used to be that I'd get lots and lots of really amusing and inspirational letters, and now it just seems like I get the same one, more or less.  And it's a challenge to be interesting or creative facing a wave of such dull banality.  These days it's all a variation on a few basic themes: ATM cards, couriers, a newsworthy plane crash, and don't trust anyone else sending me e-mails about my funds.  These days, most of you are devouring yourselves, the lot of you writing me scam e-mails about how the other scam e-mails I got were scams.  Very meta, but in a very tedious way.

And yet, Mrs. Rawlings--Betty, may I call you Betty?--you've found a way to break through my apathy!  I was going through the junk e-mail folder, and I opened your missive in a vain hope that it would be amusing enough to be fodder for the blog, and what do I find?  Well, the same dull appeal, except--


--except that you're offering me the services of a famous dead lawyer.

Now that, that, is a good one.

I have, after all, largely admired Mr. Gandhi's work on civil rights in South Africa as a very young man at the turn of the 20th Century, and (of course) his far-more-famous efforts to secure independence of his homeland, India, from the grasping colonialism of the British Empire.  His efforts would be laudable enough under most circumstances--I have that silly post-Enlightenment regard for autonomy and independence and all that--but that Mr. Gandhi favored nonviolence and civil disobedience as his tools for convincing others of the righteousness of his cause makes him especially heroic to someone like me, who has long agreed with the Isaac Asimov character who said, "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."  

On the one hand, it isn't hard to imagine Mr. Gandhi, advocate for the downtrodden, taking a stand against Internet con artists.  On the other hand, it's just impossible to imagine, since the poor man was murdered in 1948 by a Hindu nationalist opposed to Pakistani independence.

Now, given my sensibilities (or lack of sense), one might assume that we'd move on to the possibility that Mr. Gandhi has been resurrected from the dead, has returned to the legal field, and struggles every day to preserve the vegetarianism called for by his religious beliefs with the infamous compulsion of some species of undead to devour brains.  (Considering Mr. Gandhi's experience with fasts, I don't believe this would be a problem for him at all, actually.)  But I happen to know that Mr. Gandhi, after his assassination, was cremated, and his ashes scattered not just at the confluence of the Ganges and Yamuna, but all over the world.  This, it seems to me, is a small obstacle to bodily resurrection.

It's possible that Mr. Gandhi is available as a wholly spiritual advisor, the common belief that attorneys have no souls notwithstanding.  That only raises even more questions, naturally, since Mr. Gandhi (you say) has an e-mail address through a Yahoo account, one that references his honorific "Mahatma" instead of, say, his actual name (Mohandas).  Do ghosts frequently have Yahoo accounts?  Were "mgandhi@yahoo" and "mohandasg@yahoo" already taken?  Is he able to work a computer keyboard by telekinesis or does he have to possess someone to check his inbox, and, if the latter, how does he reconcile ghostly possession with his philosophical and religious outlook?  (Speaking of which: does he use Microsoft Outlook?)

Does Mr. G. hobnob with other famous dead lawyers?  Is he in contact with Clarence Darrow, for instance?  Do they tell variations of dead lawyer jokes featuring themselves?  (Q: "What do you call five thousand dead lawyers?"  A: "You're right, it is getting crowded in here."  Q: "What's the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?"  A: "You shouldn't be so hard on Mr. Adams, 18th Century hygiene wasn't what it is today and frankly he just can't help it."  Etc..)

To be honest with you, the answers to these questions would probably be worth much more to me than five hundred dollars, which I'm sure I would just feel obligated to send to a credit card company.  So if you can address yourself to these, Mrs. Rawlings, I would appreciate it so much.


R. Eric VanNewkirk (Esq., so dead lawyers are of personal
interest as I'm likely to become one someday)
Standing on the Shoulders of Giant Midgets



Lee I Wednesday, October 21, 2015 at 5:29:00 PM EDT  

I'm eagerly awaiting Betty Rawlings' reply, that is, if she makes it interesting. I often received letters from her apparent colleagues and have often been tempted to answer, although not with the results they would like to have.

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting! Because of the evils of spam, comments on posts that are more than ten days old will go into a moderation queue, but I do check the queue and your comment will (most likely) be posted if it isn't spam.

Another proud member of the UCF...

Another proud member of the UCF...
UCF logo ©2008 Michelle Klishis international gang of... international gang of...
смерть шпионам!

...Frank Gorshin-obsessed bikers.

...Frank Gorshin-obsessed bikers.
GorshOn! ©2009 Jeff Hentosz

  © Blogger template Werd by 2009

Back to TOP